читать дальшеEven In The Real World by Flibble
Summary: NOMINATED FOR BEST SAGA, BEST WIP, BEST EPISODE STEALER AND BEST ORIGINAL CHARACTER(RACHEL) AT THE LOVE'S LAST GLIMPSE AWARDS!
What if the events of ‘Normal Again’ did happen and Sunnydale, and everyone in it, was just a figment of Buffy’s unstable imagination. What will happen when she comes back to the ‘real world’?
Rating: NC-17
Categories: NC-17 Fics
Characters: None
Genres: Romance
Warnings: Sexual Situations
Challenges: None
Series: None
Published: October 17 2006
Updated: April 10 2007
Index
Chapter 1: The real world
Chapter 2: Why are you here?
Chapter 3: How's Now For You
Chapter 4: Beer turned you into a what...?
Chapter 5: Not him
Chapter 6: The true taste of wine
Chapter 7: New friends
Chapter 8: The night continues
Chapter 9: An unexpected offer
Chapter 10: The ups and downs
Chapter 11: Just another girl
Chapter 12: Promises
Chapter 13: Getting all physical
Chapter 14: The Monster in the Man
Chapter 15: What happened in my head
Chapter 16: The evil clutches of ignorance
Chapter 17: A really real date
Chapter 18: Surprise!
Chapter 19: The first time
Chapter 20: Distractions
Chapter 21: The absence of devotion
Chapter 22: My life in words
Chapter 23: The love of Dawn's life
Chapter 24: The other side of forgetting
Chapter 25: Telling Mom
Chapter 26: Unexpected visitor
Chapter 27: Moving in
Chapter 28: Celebrations
Chapter 29: Moving on
Chapter 30: Halloween
Chapter 1: The real world
Author's Notes: Just a quick warning to readers: Take the summary seriously! There will naturally be one familiar face in Buffy's 'real world' otherwise I wouldn't be posting this here. But...Sunnydale never existed. I won't be backing out on this concept with some magical twist at the end. Willow won't show up working in a cafe down the street or anything like that. Just wanted to let people know up front so I don't get flamed somewhere down the track. Now that that's out of the way...I really hope those of you who are left really enjoy this one because I'm really excited about sharing it with you all. Please let me know what you think.
Chapter One
As she rose toward consciousness Buffy groaned aloud. Every muscle in her body felt like it was on fire. She tried to open her eyes but the glare of the bright lights overhead forced them shut again.
“Buffy? It’s okay baby. I’m right here beside you. Everything is going to be okay now.”
The voice was familiar. Comforting. Buffy responded to it instinctively. A gentle hand brushed the hair from her face and she welcomed it.
Slowly she opened her eyes again, allowing them to adjust to the harsh light. The ceiling above her was white. Jagged cracks zigzagged through the paint like miniature bolts of lightning. Beneath her aching body she could feel the firmness of the hard bed. The stiff sheets rubbed uncomfortably against her sensitive skin. Hearing a slight noise she turned her head. Her mother’s beautiful face came into focus and she smiled wearily.
“Mom?” Her voice was cracked. Her throat sore. “What happened?”
“You’ve come home to us baby. You’re getting better now.”
A frown creased her features as Buffy tried to process her mother’s words. “Better?”
“Yes Buffy.” The stark relief on her mother’s face was almost painful to watch. Tears ran down her cheeks. Red eyes a testament to the river that preceded them. “Sunnydale is gone now,” she whispered. “It’s over.”
Suddenly images came at Buffy from all sides. The surprise in Willow’s eyes as she saw Buffy come at her with a saucepan clutched in her hand. Xander screaming as the demon’s talons slashed his belly open. The odd angle of Tara’s neck as she landed with a sickening thud at the bottom of the basement stairs. Dawn’s blood, slowly draining from her body. Her eyes staring sightlessly at Buffy where she hid under the stairs.
A desperate keening sound filled the room and Buffy absently noticed that it was coming from her. Her stomach rebelled and she grabbed for the side of the bed, the meagre contents of her stomach spilling onto the pristine floor.
She had killed her friends. Every one of them. All to escape a world that was too heavy for her to carry anymore. She had condemned Spike to live there alone, never knowing what had happened.
She had betrayed everyone who had loved her. What would she do now?
**********
Buffy stared unblinking into her coffee cup, watching the stream rise lazily from the inky black surface. Very gently she blew into the cup, engrossed in the twists and turns of the dancing vapour as it scattered and reformed.
“Buffy.”
At the sound of her name she took a sip and placed the cup on the polished wood of the doctor’s desk. Finally she allowed her eyes to meet his, acknowledging his presence for the first time since she’d entered the room. Dr. Callahan was a tall, black man in a white coat and thin wire-rimmed glasses. His face was pleasant, his body relaxed in his well-padded office chair. He looked like the sort of man that had heard everything and Buffy wondered if anything ever shocked him anymore. He sat patiently through her examination and when she finally straightened a little out of her slumped position in the chair, he smiled kindly.
“Would you like to talk about what happened yesterday?” he asked.
“Aren’t you afraid it might send me back?”
He sat forward in his chair and clasped his long-fingered hands on the desk in front of him. “No,” he stated plainly. “I don’t think that will happen.”
“Why not?” She had the feeling she really wouldn’t like his answer.
“Because there’s nothing left for you there.”
She was right. She hated his answer.
The tears that seemed never-ending escaped once again from her tired, red eyes. “Because I killed them all.”
“No Buffy.” His tone was more forceful now, but still kind. “You didn’t kill anybody. They were never alive. They were never real.”
“They were real to me!” Her eyes held his as she tried to convey with those simple words the significance of what she’d done in her heart.
Obviously deciding to try a new tact the doctor asked, “What do you remember about your life before Sunnydale? About when all this started?”
Sighing heavily Buffy pulled herself upright and took another sip of her coffee. “I was a normal teenager until I was 16. Everything changed the day I met Merrick. He told me that I had been called to be the next vampire slayer.” She snorted as she remembered her reaction to that little bit of news. “I thought he was crazy of course. But then he took me to the local cemetery and I fought and killed my first vampire. I was terrified. Everything that I thought I knew about the world disappeared in that one instant.”
She looked up to find him watching her intently. “I fought vampires nearly every night after that. Merrick was always with me. He taught me how to fight, to protect myself from the things that went bump in the night. When Merrick was killed by a vampire…” She swallowed past the painful lump that suddenly formed in her throat. “I was so scared. I felt so guilty for not being able to protect him. I was all alone and didn’t know what to do. I was just a kid. That’s when I told my parents what had been happening. You should have seen the looks on their faces.” She paused, lost for a moment in her memories. “It wasn't long after that they brought me here. I thought I was only here for a few weeks but obviously...”
When she saw the look of confusion on his face she frowned. “What is it?”
“Nothing,” the doctor was quick to reassure her. After a moment he asked again. “That's everything you remember?”
She looked him steadily in the eye, wondering what it was he wanted her to say. “That's everything.”
**********
Buffy threw herself down on the stiff white sheets of her hospital bed. She had two whole days to herself before she had to see her doctor again and she was grateful for even this small reprieve.
The counselling sessions were draining for her. Dr Callahan was nice and all, but he was always referring to her friends as ‘mind traps’. It drove her crazy. Well, figuratively anyway.
She’d been in ‘the real world’, as she had come to think of it, for over a month now. And yes she did understand that her memories of the past six years had only happened in the confines of her own mind. That nothing of the world she had loved existed here. But that didn’t stop what she felt in her heart.
A soft knock sounded at the door and a moment later her mother’s smiling face popped inside.
“Hey honey,” she said cheerily. “Mind if I come in?”
“Of course not,” Buffy sat up, greeting her mother with a small smile.
“How are you feeling today?”
Buffy shrugged. “Okay I guess. But I want to go home.”
Joyce smiled and tucked a stray lock of Buffy’s hair behind her ear.
“I know you do baby.” Joyce took a deep breath. Buffy noticed the tension that vibrated from her mother and it made her nervous.
“What is it Mom?”
Joyce looked into her eyes for a moment. “Buffy the doctor says you can come home soon.”
Buffy’s face broke out into a big smile. “That’s wonderful,” she exclaimed eagerly. “When?”
“Well,” Joyce continued. “He wants you to visit first with someone from your past. Someone you haven’t seen for a long time.”
“Who?” Confusion marred Buffy’s features as she waited for her mother to continue.
“He was your friend in high school. His name is William.”
A shiver ran through Buffy as Spike’s face flashed through her mind. She gave herself a mental kick. Spike isn’t real, she told herself firmly. There are plenty of real Williams in ‘the real world’. Spike isn’t one of them. But then who…?
“I don’t remember having a friend named William.”
Joyce turned even more pale, her eyes wide with worry. “I know honey.” Joyce stood up and moved restlessly about the room. “That’s why Dr Callahan would like you to meet him before you leave.”
Buffy could feel her mother’s tension mounting, which in turn made her more agitated. But she so wanted to get out of the hospital she was willing to do pretty much anything.
“Send him in,” Buffy stated with a determined nod.
“Okay.” Joyce headed slowly toward the door, the bright sheen of tears glistening in her eyes, before turning to Buffy once more. “Remember Buffy I’ll be just outside this door. Everything will be okay.”
Buffy tried to give her mother a reassuring smile, her heart thudding in her chest as Joyce left the room.
When the door opened again a young man appeared. With a jerk Buffy crawled as far back up the bed as she could. Her eyes flickered between the clear blue eyes, the sharp cheekbones and the shock of bleached hair.
“No,” she moaned, unable to tear her eyes from this reminder of everything she had left behind. “You’re not real. You’re not real. You’re not real.”
“Buffy.” At the sound of his voice everything inside of her went still. A single tear escaped her unblinking eyes to trail down one pale cheek.
“Buffy,” he repeated. “It’s Will. I’m here. I’m alive.” Slowly he inched toward her. His gaze holding hers captive.
“Spike,” the name burst from her lips in a desperate plea. He shook his head.
“No love,” he whispered as he took her hand. “There is no Spike. Only William.”
She felt the warmth of his skin as his larger hands engulfed hers. Slowly he placed her hand flat against his chest. Faintly, she felt the beat of his heart thudding within him. Quick, but steady. And very much alive.
Buffy raised confused eyes back to his, noting the hopeful expression on his face. “W-William.”
Back to index
Chapter 2: Why are you here?
Author's Notes: Thanks to those who have started reading this story and have reviewed. It's great to hear from you. I hope you enjoy the next chapter.
Chapter Two
Buffy stared at Spike — no William — for long minutes. A thousand questions ran through her head. He looked exactly the same and yet — different. He looked so full of life. His skin glowed with the light tan of a man used to standing in the sunlight. His eyes sparkled as he sat there, quietly returning her gaze.
She knew he was waiting for her to make the next move and she realised she was grateful. After all the mental prodding and probing she’d endured in the last month it was a relief to not feel pressured. Unsure where to begin, she finally asked, “Why are you here?”
At her words he released a heavy sigh. “I wanted to come see you so many times love. But the doctors, they wouldn’t let me…”
“No.” Her voice was harsher than she meant it to be and she gripped his hand tighter. “I mean, why are you here in this world? You were there. You’re not supposed to be real.”
She saw his jaw tense as he dropped his gaze to their clasped hands. She wasn’t sure what she was seeing. Anger? Hurt? Both?
“Nobody knows why I showed up in Sunnydale. Or at least parts of me did. In Spike.” He spat the name out with contempt and Buffy wondered why he hated the vampire so much. “It was a long time before they even realised that Spike was me — after a fashion. It was only when you began to talk about Spike in more detail that your Mum and I started to figure it out. That was when they stopped letting me visit you. They were worried I’d just upset you, make you worse.”
“And now what? You’re like some sort of test? Like if I can handle seeing you I’m labelled ‘sane’ enough to go home?”
“I don’t know. I guess so.” He shrugged. “I just wanted to see you.”
Dropping his hands she rose from the bed and walked over to the small window. On the other side all she could see was the hospital car park. The hot sun beat down on a random selection of cars, motorbikes and small vans. Small tufts of grass struggled through cracks in the baked bitumen. In the afternoons Buffy would sit by the window and watch staff members and visitors get into their cars and drive through the main gates and out of sight. She would think about all the things she would do when she made it back into the outside world. That car park wasn’t much to look at, but to her it was the most beautiful sight in the world, because it was freedom.
She felt William standing beside her but couldn’t bring herself to look at him. The combination of Spike and William, of old world and new, real world and…loved. It made her miss things and reminded her of their lack of substance all at the same time. It was too much.
Blinking back tears she tried for a little distraction. “Why don’t I remember you?” she asked accusingly.
He gave a short bewildered laugh. “What?” Disbelief was clear in his tone.
“My life before I became the slayer, before I moved to Sunnydale. I remember it. But I don’t remember you.”
She saw him swallow heavily as his eyes glazed over. “I don’t know. We knew each other for about a year before you came here. I didn’t realise you wouldn’t remember me at all.”
She’d hurt him. She could tell. And part of her wanted to try to make him feel better. “Maybe with some more time…”
She trailed off when he shook his head curtly. “Don’t worry about it love. Maybe I just didn’t mean so much to you after all.”
She frowned at the implication in his words. “What were we to each other? Before.”
For a moment he was silent, obviously still reeling from this newfound hole in her memories. “We were friends.”
“Friends,” she repeated in disbelief. “You’d visit a mental hospital for six years for all your friends?”
He threw her a look and she merely raised an eyebrow at him in response.
“We were close.”
His eyes were intense and she turned away, not quite sure she wanted to know. Spike’s voice sounded in her head. You’ll fight, you’ll shag and you’ll love each other till it kills you both but you’ll never be friends.
She couldn’t help but smile at the familiar memory. Then, giving herself a mental shake, she walked over to the door. Flinging it open she found her mother waiting anxiously on the other side. “I want to go home.”
**********
Her room was exactly as she remembered it. A single bed sat in the corner. Its white lace bedspread decorated with yellow daisies. Her dresser was covered in small bottles of perfumes and lotions. Opening the closet doors she looked at the multitude of fashions she’d loved so much. Most of them were hopelessly out of date now. Turning toward the bed she picked up Mister Gordo and held him tightly to her chest. Again Buffy looked at the familiar objects around her. Everything was in its place. And yet she remembered leaving here so clearly. “Dawn cried for a week,” she murmured sadly.
“Honey?” Joyce’s smiling, if somewhat wary, face appeared in the doorway. “Would you like something to eat?”
Suddenly curious about the rest of the house Buffy nodded. “Sure.”
As Joyce fixed them both some lunch Buffy wandered through the many rooms. There were a few new photos and knick knacks here and there, but otherwise it was just the same. She felt like she was in a dream, staring at the past like Alice through the looking glass.
“Mom?” Buffy sat at the kitchen table opposite her mother and began to pick at her food. “Will you tell me about William?”
Joyce tensed slightly and looked at Buffy through cautious eyes. “What has he told you?”
Shrugging, Buffy rolled her eyes. “We were close friends.”
Joyce nodded. “That’s true. He moved in next door about a year before…before you went to the hospital. His parents are still there. You two were pretty much inseparable from the time you met.”
“Were we…” Buffy paused, unsure how to word her question, “more than friends?”
Joyce smiled knowingly. “I think you were heading that way. I know he invited you to the Spring Dance. You were so excited.” Her expression clouded as she continued. “Then you started to change. You were anxious, secretive, you began pushing us all away, William included.” Tears began to gather in her eyes as she was overwhelmed by her memories. “It was William you first told about the vampires and how you’d been called to fight them.”
“I did?” Buffy exclaimed in surprise. “What did he do?”
“Tried to help you. He kept your secret at first. But when he realised you were getting worse and he couldn’t keep you safe he came to me. When you went to the hospital he was devastated. We all were.”
An image of Spike flashed in Buffy’s mind. He’d carried all her secrets too. The fact that she’d been in heaven not hell. The relationship they’d had. The darkness she’d sunk to. It seemed in every world she burdened him with her problems.
Back to index
Chapter 3: How's Now For You
Author's Notes: Thank you so much to those that have read and reviewed. I hope you enjoy the next chapter.
Chapter Three
Buffy pushed the last of her chocolate cake around on her plate, trying to think of a way to fill the awkward silence at the table. Glancing up she caught her parents sharing a worried look and she couldn’t help rolling her eyes.
Her welcome home dinner had gone smoothly at first. She’d asked her parents lots of questions about what they’d done over the last six years. In work, in life. They’d been eager to share and so the conversation had flowed. That had lasted until dessert.
Watching drops of condensation slide down the side of her water glass, Buffy wished absently that they would ask her what she’d done over the past six years. She would have liked to tell them about some of her adventures. About Willow and Xander and Giles. About Dawn. She knew that would never happen though. In fact, she was pretty sure they preferred to think that she’d been in a coma all this time and had no memories to show for it.
Unable to stand the silence any longer Buffy stood and began to clear the table. When Joyce and Hank both jumped up to help Buffy waved them away. “You go relax. I’ll clean up.”
They looked at each other again, obviously hesitant about leaving her alone for any length of time. Reigning in the urge to roll her eyes yet again Buffy took a deep breath and forced a smile. “Guys really. Thank you for my welcome home dinner. It was great. Now I’m just going to stack the dish washer. I’m fine really.”
“Of course you are,” Hank agreed a little too quickly. “We just don’t want you to take on too much too soon.”
Buffy raised her eyebrows incredulously. “It’s just the dishes.”
Looking abashedly at each other her parents mumbled something about her being absolutely right and hastily quit the room.
Shaking her head at them she returned to the task at hand. It had been six years since she’d stacked a dish washer. Even the house in Sunnydale hadn’t had one. But she was determined to do it in a neat, efficient, completely sane manner. If only to prove to her parents that she wasn’t the useless, fragile china doll they seemed to think she was.
As she worked she took in the room around her. Everything was white. The tiles on the floor, the bench tops, the cupboards. Even the crockery they ate off was a plain white. For a kitchen, the supposed ‘heart’ of the home, it seemed kind of…cold.
She missed the warmth of her kitchen in Sunnydale. It had been small and kind of basic, but it had been cosy. It had been a place of hot cocoas and late night chats. It’s weird, she thought glumly, that a place that never existed seemed to hold so much more life than this house.
Suddenly feeling hemmed in Buffy knew she had to get out of there. Even for just a little while. Quickly finishing the last of the dishes she climbed the stairs to her bedroom. Her small bag of belongings, items she no longer remembered nor identified as her own, sat on the bed. After a moment’s pause she tore the bag open and upended it onto the bedspread. Briefly rummaging through the contents she found a small slip of paper. On it, written in a bold, elegant hand was the address and phone number of William Reynolds.
Before she could change her mind Buffy headed for the phone and dialled William’s number. She chewed on her bottom lip as she listened to it ring. Once. Twice. Maybe she shouldn’t call. Three. He might not want to hear from her. Four. Obviously he wasn’t home. Five. Maybe—
“Hello?”
Buffy tried to speak but suddenly her throat constricted and she couldn’t manage so much as a squeak.
“Hello? Is anybody there?”
Clearing her throat Buffy forced herself to speak. “Umm…hello.”
“Buffy? Is that you love?”
She briefly considered hanging up and hoping he thought it was a wrong number. But then she thought about spending the rest of the evening sitting downstairs with her parents while they tried to act normal and she shuddered. “Yes. It’s me. How are you?”
“I’m just fine pet.” There was a long pause. “I wasn’t sure I’d hear from you.”
“Oh. Well, I just got out of the hospital today.” She swallowed heavily, hoping he wasn’t regretting giving her his number.
“Ahh, it was about time they let you out of there. So how does your first taste of freedom feel?”
“Kind of strange,” she admitted. “Mom and Dad keep looking at me like I’m about to announce they’re both vampires and I’m going to slay them.”
She heard William chuckle softly. “They’re just worried I expect. You were in Sunnydale a long time. It takes a while to get used to the fact that you’re home for good.”
A smile touched her lips when he spoke the name of her much loved town. She hadn’t heard her parents mention it since that day she woke up in the hospital.
“William, I was wondering if you would…” Suddenly nervous she stumbled over the words.
“If I what pet?”
Closing her eyes tightly she took a deep breath and rushed through the rest of the sentence. “If you would like to get together?”
There was silence on the other end of the phone and Buffy kicked herself for forcing herself on him. “If you don’t want to—”
“I’d love to Buffy. When did you have in mind?”
Relief flooded her when she heard the smile in his voice and she couldn’t help but wonder why seeing William was suddenly so important to her.
“How’s now for you?”
**********
Buffy met her mother at the bottom of the stairs just as she was shrugging on a jacket.
“Buffy, I was just coming to look for you. Are you going somewhere?”
“Yeah. I just thought I’d go for a walk.” She wasn’t sure why she didn’t tell her mother she was going to see William. All she knew was that she had to get out of the house and she didn’t want to answer a lot of questions.
The look of fear on Joyce’s face made her feel guilty for even considering leaving. “Are you sure you should go out? It’s only your first night home and remember Dr Callahan said you shouldn’t push yourself.”
“I know. But it doesn’t feel like I’m pushing. I just need some fresh air. I’ve been stuck in that hospital for weeks—”
“Years, Buffy,” Joyce reminded her emphatically. “You’ve been there for six years.”
Buffy sighed heavily as she realised her mistake. “I know Mom. It just doesn’t feel like years to me.” Unable to look her mother in the eye she quickly sidled around her. “Don’t worry,” she said brightly on her way out the door. “I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”
Back to index
Chapter 4: Beer turned you into a what...?
Author's Notes: Thank you to those who are supporting this story. I really appreciate it.
Chapter Four
Buffy knocked on the door quietly, giving a little gasp of surprise when it jerked open almost immediately. William stood in front of her in faded blue jeans and a black t-shirt. His hair was still damp from the shower he’d obviously just had and it curled softly over his forehead. Hmm yummy, she thought idly before dropping her eyes to the ground to hide her ogling.
“Hey pet. Come on in.”
Smiling her thanks Buffy walked into the apartment. Curiously she looked around, half expecting to find little more than one old armchair and a small black and white TV. Instead there was a plush three-seater couch and a large TV set sitting in an entertainment unit. Spying the large refrigerator in the nearby kitchen Buffy reminded herself that it was more likely to contain half-eaten pizza and off milk than bags of pig’s blood. William. This is William, not Spike. She frowned when she realised she didn’t know if she was relieved or disappointed by that fact.
Turning to William, she smiled softly. “You have a nice place.”
William nodded. “Yeah it’s not bad. Comfy. Close to work. Coffee?”
“That’d be great.”
As William went about making the coffee Buffy continued to familiarise herself with the dimly lit living room. Apart from the couch and entertainment unit there was a coffee table and a small stand beside the couch for the telephone. The remainder of the room was dedicated to what was clearly William’s passion. Books. The walls were lined with bookcases that overflowed. Extra piles were stacked in front of them. Coming closer she was amazed at the variety she found amid the chaos. Fantasy. Science fiction. Thrillers. Classics. Dictionaries. Style Guides. Writing manuals.
“Are you a big reader love?”
Spike had appeared holding two steaming mugs, a biscuit barrel tucked under one arm.
“No,” Buffy replied. “Never had the time.”
They sat on either end of the couch and Buffy accepted her coffee, sipping it tentatively. They were silent for several minutes, neither quite sure what to say next.
Finally, indicating the mountain of books, Buffy asked hesitantly, “Are you a writer or something?”
William smiled wistfully. “Someday. I hope.” He sat his coffee on the low table in front of him and opened the biscuit barrel, offering it to her. “I studied literature and creative writing in college. Now I’m doing the whole starving writer thing. Except for the starving part. I manage a bookstore not far from here.”
“Have you ever published anything?”
He nodded proudly. “A couple of short stories in magazines. And I’ve won a couple of short story competitions. Now though I’m working toward publishing a novel.”
“And do you, umm, do you write other forms as well?”
William’s face turned stony as he looked at her with those intensely blue eyes. He was obviously upset by her question. “No.” He held her gaze firmly, as if to make sure she understood him completely. “I don’t write poetry.”
Buffy swallowed the lump in her throat, confused once again by William’s refusal to identify in any way with the vampire. It had seemed a perfectly logical question to her. She had based Spike on William after all. Desperate to alleviate the tension in the room Buffy drained the last of her coffee in one large gulp, spluttering when the hot liquid scalded her mouth.
“Buffy are you alright?” The lack of expression on William’s face was quickly replaced by concern as he scooted forward to pat her on the back. “I’ll get you some water.”
He was halfway to the kitchen when Buffy got her voice back. “Have you got any beer?”
A few minutes later Buffy was taking a long pull on her beer when she heard William chuckle. “Take it easy there pet, something tells me this beer has a bit more of a kick than the stuff you drank in Sunnydale.”
“That depends.” Buffy grinned. “Will it turn me into a cave woman?”
William frowned. “Excuse me? A cave woman?”
“Yep. This bartender at the College was angry about how the students treated him. So he brewed this magic beer that turned whoever drank it into a Neanderthal.”
William stared at her in shock for a full minute before asking, “What happened?”
Buffy’s forehead wrinkled in bafflement. “Actually I don’t really remember much about it. Apparently I saved a bunch of people from a fire, oh and I hit Parker over the head. Man I wish I could have remembered that part cause it would have been sweet.” She giggled. “Apparently I sniffed Xander a lot too. I think he decided that we had compatible genes or something based solely on that.”
William snorted. “He was after you from the moment he laid eyes on you from what I heard.”
Buffy shrugged, blushing at the reminder of Xander’s long-ago crush on her.
“Who was Parker?”
She grimaced, still embarrassed by her naivety in sleeping with him. “Oh, nobody important. Just a guy I met at college.” Changing the topic she reached out to take William’s hand in hers. “Thank you.”
William finished his beer and placed the bottle on the table beside hers. “For what pet?”
“For not pretending I’ve been asleep for six years. My parents, they don’t mention Sunnydale at all. They only talk about me being in the hospital.”
William shook his head. “No.” He stroked her cheek softly, brushing her hair back behind her ear. “Your body was at the hospital. But your mind…” He touched his fingertips to her forehead as he spoke. “…it was somewhere else. You lived there for so long. I couldn’t visit you there, as much as I wanted to, but I won’t try to pretend you weren’t there.”
Buffy nodded. “I did. I lived there.” Sadness enveloping her as she remembered all that she’d left behind.” I…I ate the food and drank the water. I graduated high school and worked in lousing jobs. I felt the pain of my mother’s death.” Tears began to cascade down her face as she spoke. “I fell in love and had my heart broken. I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. I had friends and enemies and I had…I had a sister.” Buffy’s voice broke and she fell sobbing into William’s arms. “Oh God Dawnie.”
William clutched her small shaking body against him. He would have done anything to stop her pain, but at the same time he knew she needed this release.
For a long time Buffy cried as if her heart would be broken forever. “I miss them,” she whispered when at last the tears subsided. “I miss them so much.”
**********
A long while later Buffy sat snuggled in William’s embrace. Her head lay comfortably on his chest. They spoke in low voices, the darkness shrouding them as if hiding them from the rest of the world.
“Wait a second. The demon was how big?”
“About two inches.”
“The great fear demon that had an entire frat house worth of students screaming to the rafters was two inches tall.”
Buffy smiled. “Uh-huh. Had a lot of trouble cleaning him off the bottom of my shoe though. For such a little guy he was grossly sticky.”
William laughed quietly. “I can understand why you name him as your most easily defeated foe. Alright then, what about the hardest. That Glory chick?”
Buffy shook her head, snuggling a little closer. “Angel,” she whispered sadly. “Even jumping off that tower after I beat Glory, I was okay. I knew it was what I was meant to do. But killing Angel…that was the hardest thing I ever did.” A single tear escaped from the corner of her eye and she brushed it away. “I loved him so much.” Not wanting to go down that path any further Buffy turned the question back on him. “What about you William? Have you ever been in love?”
She felt William’s chest rise and fall as he sighed. “No, not really. I’ve had a couple of girlfriends over the years but…nothing serious.”
“Really?”
“Well I thought I was falling in love once but…the girl…she had to go away. My life went on, but I never forgot about her.”
Buffy raised her head to look at him, a bittersweet smile on her lips. “You’re sweet,” she told him quietly. “I know I don’t remember you but…from what my Mom tells me, I think I must have been falling in love with you too.”
William smiled wistfully. “We were so young Buffy. Just 16 years old. But I reckon we would have been a great couple.”
Buffy returned her head to its warm spot on his chest. “Me too.”
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Chapter 5: Not him
Author's Notes: I hope you enjoy the new chapter
Chapter Five
Slowly Buffy rose from the depths of sleep. Stirring slightly she smiled at the feel of strong arms surrounding her. Opening her eyes she tilted her head back to find sleepy blue eyes gazing down at her warmly in the dim light. Without thinking she lifted herself up sightly and pressed her lips against his. For a moment he was still, but then he kissed her back, slowly tasting her. One hand came up to caress her jaw with a feather light touch before sliding into her hair at the nap of her neck. Buffy sighed with relief, it was like she’d been lost for the longest time but now she’d finally come home. To him.
“Spike.” The word was barely a whisper, flowing out of her as she exhaled.
Instantly he went still; his mouth withdrawing from hers. The hands that had been so gentle closed in a vice-like grip around her upper arms, moving her firmly away.
Buffy frowned in confusion. Why had he stopped? He always wanted her. Spike would never…oh crap.
As her mind finally switched to ‘on’ mode Buffy’s eyes snapped open. William sat in front of her with his eyes tightly closed, his lips were pressed together in a hard line and he was breathing heavily through his nose.
“William?” She touched a hand to his cheek and he flinched. “I’m so sorry—”
“Don’t!” Pushing her away William sprang to his feet, pacing the lounge room with long agitated strides. Turning to face her he pinned her with accusing eyes. “I’m not him Buffy. I can’t be him for you.”
“I know,” she said quietly, her eyes fixed on her hands as she clenched them in her lap. “I’m sorry. You just…you look like him and I just woke up and I…I guess forgot where I was for a moment.”
“And you thought you were back where you wanted to be.” His voice was resigned, his shoulders slumped in defeat. “With him.”
Buffy was opening her mouth to speak when there was a pounding on the door. Dragging his eyes from hers, William went to answer it. Before he even opened the door fully Joyce came bursting into the apartment, her eyes frantic. “William, I’m so sorry to barge in but I need your help. Buffy went for a walk and she hasn’t come home. I need—” Joyce stopped abruptly as she spied Buffy getting up from the couch. “Buffy.”
“Mom. I’m sorry. I was just visiting William and…I guess I must have dosed off.”
For a moment Joyce just stood there, still as a statue. Then her eyes drifted closed and her face crumpled in anguish.
“Mom! What’s wrong?”
A manic laugh tore from Joyce’s throat. “What’s wrong? How can you ask me what’s wrong?” You were locked up in that hospital for six years!” she yelled, her voice quickly taking on a hysterical note. “Then your first night home you disappear for hours, I have no idea where you are, and all you can say is you guess you dosed off?”
Buffy cringed as she realised what she’d put her mother through by not telling her where she was going. Rushing forward she enveloped the older woman in her arms. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you worry.”
“I can’t lose you Buffy.” Joyce clutched onto her daughter as if she was drowning and Buffy was her only lifeline. “Not again.”
“You won’t lose me.” Buffy held her mother’s face between her hands and smiled at her reassuringly. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise.” Looking over her mother’s shoulder, Buffy found William standing quietly near the front door, watching them. “William, would you mind getting Mom some water?”
He nodded and disappeared into the kitchen while Buffy led her mother over to the couch.
“I really am sorry Mom,” Buffy said again. “I promise I’ll always let you know where I’m going from now on. It’s just that I’ve been coming and going as I pleased for so long. I guess I’m just not used to having to answer to anyone anymore.”
“No Buffy.” Joyce’s teeth were gritted in frustration. “You haven’t gone anywhere. You haven’t answered to anyone because you haven’t been lucid enough to give a straight answer for years.”
Jerking back at her mother’s harsh words Buffy sprang up from the couch and walked over to stare blindly out the window. Silent tears trailed down her cheeks as Giles’ face swam before her eyes. She wondered what his advice would be now. Give it time Buffy. You don’t have to figure it all out in one go. Buffy smiled wistfully at the familiar voice that echoed from somewhere within the recesses of her mind. Oddly, she felt comforted by it. Taking a deep breath she turned to see William offering her mother a glass of water.
“Actually William I’d really just like to take Buffy home,” Joyce was saying brusquely.
Sighing, Buffy walked back over to them and placed a comforting hand on her mother’s shoulder. “Yes. Let’s go home,” she told her.
Looking surprised at Buffy’s easy agreement Joyce said a quick goodbye to William and headed for the door.
Lingering, Buffy turned to William. “I’m really sorry for this mess. I guess I never should have come. I’m just screwing everything up.”
“Nonsense love,” he denied, shaking his head. “I want you to feel like you can come here any time you like.”
She looked up at him hopefully. “You’re not angry with me then?”
William knew she wasn’t talking about the scene with her mother, but about their earlier kiss and the fact that she’d called him Spike.
“No,” he replied. “Look I’m sorry about before. I know this is harder on you than anyone. I want to be there for you any way I can.”
Buffy smiled in relief. “Thank you. It’s nice to know I have a friend.” She reached out to hug him and was grateful when he returned her embrace.
“Always,” he murmured low into her ear.
Pulling away Buffy said good night and followed her mother out the door.
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Chapter 6: The true taste of wine
Author's Notes: So how did I go with the whole 'intriguing chapter title' thing? : ) I hope you enjoy. Please review!
Chapter Six
“Hello?”
“Hey Buffy. It’s Will.”
“Hey! How are you?”
“Great. And yourself?”
“Oh, peachy with a side of keen. That’s me.”
She heard William chuckle on the other end of the line. “What?”
“Nothing pet. That’s just a Buffyism I haven’t heard in a long time.”
Buffy smiled, grateful that he couldn’t see her blush.
“So I’m getting off work in an hour and I was wondering if you’d like to join me for dinner.”
Her smile widened as she twirled the phone cord between her fingers. “I’d love to.”
**********
Buffy looked up nervously from her menu. William had taken her to a lovely little Italian restaurant just a few doors down from the bookstore where he worked. The whole street was full of an odd collection of shops, cafés and restaurants and the area teemed with people enjoying their Friday night out.
“Everything okay love?”
Buffy jerked her eyes back to William’s concerned face and she nodded quickly. “Yeah, I just…haven’t been around this many people since I got back. So I guess I haven’t been around this many people in over six years…as my mother would be quick to point out.”
“Problems at home?”
“I just know that she’s scared I’ll go away again. I’m trying to reassure her, make her feel more at ease but…it’s not easy.”
William’s head tilted to the left as he looked at her. “Have you been out of the house at all since I saw you last week?”
Buffy shrugged dismally. “Mom took me to see my doctor on Tuesday and Thursday.”
“Oh that would have been a laugh riot.”
“Yeah. You could say that.”
“Did she have a problem with you coming out with me tonight?”
“Well, I think she considers you an adequate Buffy-sitter. But…” Cringing with embarrassment Buffy opened her purse and pulled out a small mobile phone. “I’ve been instructed to carry this at all times and answer promptly when it rings. Plus she drove me here and dropped me directly outside the front door of the bookstore.”
William smiled sympathetically. “Yikes.”
“Yeah.” Buffy laughed. “I put my foot down when she tried to give me a curfew.”
“That settles it. You need to have some fun.” William indicated the wine list on the table. “How about we start by ordering a bottle of wine?”
Buffy nodded emphatically. “Yes please.”
He handed her the wine list with a flourish. “Ladies choice. Anything you feel like pet.”
Looking through the list Buffy bit her bottom lip, unsure what to choose.
“If you’d prefer I can choose,” William said quietly, sensing her hesitation.
Buffy glanced up at him, still holding the list tightly. “When I lived in LA…before…I only tried wine once. At a Christmas party my parents held. I remember…a couple of years ago I complained to Willow that all wine tasted the same to me.” She shook her head in amazement. “Now I know why. All wine tasted like the only wine I’d ever actually had.” The words on the list in front of her blurred as her eyes filled with tears.
She felt a warm hand on hers and looked up to see William smiling at her warmly. “In that case it’s time to experiment. Let’s order a different wine by the glass with each course and then we can see what you like.”
Immediately comforted by his practical suggestion, Buffy smiled coyly. “Are you trying to get me drunk sir?”
William waggled his eyebrows in a Spike-like move that made her breath catch. “Hell yeah. I want to see how fast I can corrupt you.”
**********
“And you never thought about going back to England?”
William shrugged. “Not really. I might not have been too impressed when my parents moved me here but, after a while, it grew on me. My parents are still here, I have friends, a job I enjoy. I’m part of the local writing community and I’m trying to further my career.” William gave a contented sigh. “I have a good life here. There’s no reason for me to go back.”
“Did you always want to be a writer?”
“Not always. I always loved to write but it wasn’t until I was almost finished high school that I realised I could make money doing it. In fact, you suggested it.”
Delighted surprise lit her eyes. “I did?”
Grinning, William lifted his glass to her in salute before drinking. “Yep.”
Buffy nodded in approval of her own actions. “Yay me.” Turning serious she added, “It must be nice to do something that you love.”
“Yeah, it is,” William agreed readily. “Of course, it would help it that something paid the bills.”
Buffy laughed, picking up her wine glass to sip the smooth dark liquid. It was delicious; and not like anything she’d ever tasted before.
“What about you love?” William asked suddenly. “What are you going to do with yourself now that you’re back?”
Buffy shrugged a little dejectedly. “I have no idea,” she admitted. “At least in Sunnydale I had been to college for a couple of semesters. Here I haven’t even finished high school.” She rolled her eyes, cringing. “God, when I think of all the stress I went through trying to fight evil and pass finals at the same time. Now I have nothing to show for it.”
“Well, there’s a community college that teaches classes for adults wanting their high school diploma. We carry some of the text books at the store. If you wanted to graduate you could probably do it at night in under a year.”
“I suppose,” Buffy murmured, considering the suggestion. “That would just leave the matter of getting a job. I do not want to live with my parents forever.” Buffy fiddled with the stem of her wine glass. “I love them…I do. But I miss my independence, you know?”
William nodded. “Absolutely. I couldn’t even imagine living with my parents again now that I’ve been out on my own.”
“Exactly.”
“There’s more,” William murmured, noticing the sadness in Buffy’s eyes. “Tell me?”
She smiled a little at his perceptiveness. “Sometimes I think about living out on my own and I want that but…it would be so different this time. I would be…alone.”
For a moment William was unsure what she meant but then it clicked. “You wouldn’t have Dawn,” he said quietly.
At the sound of her sister’s name Buffy drained her wine glass. When that was done she stared at the empty glass as if it held the answer to the troubles of the world. “When Mom died I was forced to become responsible and independent but…I was never alone. I had to become the mother; I had to take care of her. Now when I think about becoming my own person…I can’t imagine not having that responsibility. I wonder if I’ll be lonely.”
They sat in silence for a moment, then William reached out to brush her fingers with his. “You wish you could see her again don’t you?”
Buffy smiled as Dawn’s face, looking every bit the petulant teenager, appeared in her mind. “Every day,” she whispered, finally raising her eyes to William’s once again. “I dream about her every night. About all of them actually.” She quickly swiped at a tear that threatened to fall. “Dawn was so scared that I didn’t want to be with her after Willow brought me back to life.” She gave a harsh bark of laughter. “If only she could see me now.”
“I think she can see you,” William affirmed, clasping her hand tightly. “She would want you to be happy.”
Sniffing, Buffy frowned at William. “Why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Talk about them as if they were real people. I’ve had people barraging me with the fact that they were figments of my imagination since I woke up. But you talk as if I just packed up and moved here from Sunnydale. I don’t understand.”
“Neither do I,” William interjected. “But for all those years they were as real to you as I am now. Who the hell am I to say they weren’t real?” He shrugged, draining his own wine glass in one long swallow. “There are things in this world that can’t be explained by anyone Buffy. As far as I’m concerned your Sunnydale is one of them.”
Buffy looked at him askance. “So you aren’t just humouring me or anything? Cause that would be patronising you know.”
William chuckl
“So then why do you hate Spike so much?” Buffy blurted out, surprising them both with her question. More hesitantly she added, “Given that I based him on you after all.”
William just stared at her for the longest time. She thought she saw a deep hurt in his eyes, buried beneath the usual hardness that appeared whenever she mentioned his alter-ego. She squirmed uncomfortably in her chair, wondering if she should just change the topic. Then he finally spoke.
“Given that you based him on me,” William said slowly, his voice rough with some unexpressed emotion. “Maybe the question you should be asking is…why did you hate him so much?”
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Chapter 7: New friends
Author's Notes: Sorry about the delay in posting. RL has been very hectic and getting time on the computer has been a challenge in itself. I hope you enjoy the new chapter. Would love to know what you think
Chapter Seven
“Will, where are we going?”
“There’s a small club at the end of this street. Nothing flashy. Just a bar and a small dance floor with a DJ. I know how you used to love to dance.” He looked at her sideways. “You do still dance don’t you?”
“Of course.” There was a moment’s silence before she asked, “Do you dance?”
He cringed. “Not really. I mean yeah I can get out there but it’s usually for the slow songs where you don’t have to move around so much. Anything more complicated and I end up looking like a monkey having an epileptic fit.”
When Buffy finally stopped laughing she was clutching onto William’s arm to stay upright. “I am so not getting up to dance by myself.”
William suddenly looked a little hesitant. “Yeah. Actually a few friends of mine will be there tonight. Including a couple of girls that will dance with anyone to anything.”
Buffy slowed down, suddenly anxious.
William came to stand in front of her, his hands gently clasping her forearms. “We don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I just thought you might like to meet a few new people.” He shrugged. “You’ll get sick of hanging out with just me eventually.”
Buffy took a moment to steady herself. Finally, she looked up at William. “Do they know about me?”
William shook his head. “They don’t know a thing. You’ve always been kind of…private, for me. You have a special place here,” he said quietly, placing one hand on his chest, “that I didn’t want to share with anyone.” He smiled broadly. “Until now.”
“Plus you know it’s not exactly the done thing. Having a friend that’s stark raving mad.”
William frowned. “Buffy that’s not it—“
“Don’t.” Buffy held up a hand to silence him. “It’s okay. I wouldn’t hold it against you if that was partly the truth.” Taking a deep breath she took his hand in hers and began leading him down the street. “Let’s go meet your friends.”
**********
The club was dimly lit. Comfortable chairs were arranged haphazardly around low tables. The small dance floor at the back of the room was filled without being overcrowded. The whole place was kind of…cozy. Buffy felt herself begin to relax immediately.
“Drink pet?”
Buffy nodded. “Just water for me please. After all that wine I need to clear my head a little.”
Grinning broadly William teased, “And here I had plans to take advantage of you later.”
Buffy raised her eyebrows at him. “Try it and I might have to kick your arse.”
“Only might?” He winked at her before taking hold of her hand again. “Come on.”
They’d just ordered their drinks at the bar when a tall dark-haired man clapped William on the back. “Hey man. I didn’t think you were coming tonight.”
“Change of plans,” William told him. “Zac, I want you to meet Buffy. Buffy, this is Zac.”
Zac took one look at Buffy and immediately dropped down on one knee, taking her hands between his. “Good evening my most beauteous of ladies. I am ever so pleased to make your acquaintance.” He kissed the back of one of her hands with a flourish.
Laughing, Buffy looked incredulously at William, who simply shrugged. “He’s the actor in the bunch.”
“Right…okay.” Buffy looked back down into Zac’s upturned face and spouted, “Why thank you kind sir. I cannot recall when last I met such a fine and courteous gentleman.”
Zac bounced to his feet energetically. “You hear that man? She thinks you’re a rude bastard. I like her already.”
**********
Buffy tried to get her racing pulse under control as she followed William and Zac across the room. Looking down at her water glass she decided she should have ordered something stronger.
“Evening all,” William announced as they approached a table with three people seated around it. He had just turned with the intention of introducing Buffy when Zac beat him to the punch.
“Guys this is Buffy.” He waggled his eyebrows. “She’s the new love of my life.”
A curvy brunette rolled her eyes and smiled at Buffy. “Don’t take any notice of him. He has a new love of his life every week.” She held out her hand in greeting. “I’m Kate. This is Abby.” She indicated the short-haired blonde sitting beside her. Then she pointed to a man with sandy blonde hair that sat quietly in the corner. “And that’s Ben.”
“Hi.” Buffy smiled brightly, praying to God she didn’t stuff this up. “It’s nice to meet you all.” She accepted the seat William pulled out for her, murmuring her thanks.
“How has everyone’s night been?” William asked.
Abby made an ‘ugh’ sound at the back of her throat. “The music has sucked. We’ve been begging Rob for something danceable but he seems determined to accommodate the drinkers tonight. All low key and moody.”
“How do you guys all know each other?” Buffy asked, hoping to make a good impression by being involved in the conversation.
William explained, “Kate and I went to college together. Kate and Abby have been friends since they were kids. Ben’s in the local writer’s group with me. And we all met Zac when he used to tend bar here. He kept giving Kate and Abby double shots when they paid for singles. Made him very popular.”
“Hey I’m an actor. What do I know about pouring drinks?” Zac defended with a sly grin. Leaning forward to grab a handful of peanuts from a bowl in the middle of the table he asked, “So Buffy, how do you and Will know each other?”
“Ahhh…we went to high school together,” she replied.
Zac turned a mock glare on William. “You’ve been hiding this lovely woman from us since high school? That’s just selfish man.”
William just shrugged. “Buffy moved away before the end of school. She just got back to town a couple of weeks ago.”
“Oh really? Where did you move to?” Kate asked innocently.
Buffy’s mouth opened and closed a couple of times as she panicked. What the hell was she supposed to say? That she moved to an imaginary world full of vampires and demons and set up shop there?
“It was a small town up the coast. Wasn’t it love?”
Buffy looked at William and saw the encouragement in his eyes. She smiled, comforted by his reassuring presence. “Yeah.” She turned back to the group with more confidence. “But I’m back in LA now. And I’m here to stay.”
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Chapter 8: The night continues
Author's Notes: Thanks for the reviews everyone. I do a little happy dance for every single one. : ) I hope you enjoy the chapter.