— У меня правильнописание хромает. Оно хорошее, но почему-то хромает...(с) Винни-Пух.
читать дальшеHis middle finger slid along her moist folds and they both groaned. “Oh baby, you’re so wet,” he muttered roughly. “Can’t wait to be inside you.”
His words sent liquid fire racing through her veins to pool hotly at her core. “Yes William. Please. I want you.” Every fibre of her being told her this was right. This was where she was always meant to be. The thought left her reeling, burning for this passionate man who had come to mean so much to her.
Before she even realised what he was doing he’d reached into the nightstand beside the bed to retrieve a condom. And then he was there; nudging insistently at her entrance. When he pushed forward Buffy cried out, curving her hips up toward him.
“Fuck Buffy,” he shouted, gritting his teeth. “You’re so tight. So hot baby.”
Her reply was unintelligible as she writhed beneath him. There was some discomfort but she didn’t care. Her body screamed for more and she wrapped her legs around him, trying to pull him deeper.
Without warning, pain lanced through Buffy, strong and searing, and instinctively her body arched away from him, trying to escape the intrusion into her body. Looking up she saw William staring at her, eyes wide with shock. “Bloody hell! You’re a virgin.”
“What?” Buffy gasped at the ridiculous notion, still baffled by what had just happened. “I am not!”
“You are too. I felt it. I just broke your…bloody hell!” He rolled off of her and she gasped as he slid out her body, that beautiful big erection she’d drool over just moments ago, now a thing of the past. “I just broke your hymen. I can’t believe I forgot you were a virgin.”
“I…I…” Buffy stumbled, a deep frown marring her brow. “I guess I forgot too. I mean…I remember having sex.” She grabbed for the sheet to cover herself, suddenly feeling self-conscious about her nakedness. “Lots of sex. I remember having lots of hot, sweaty, naked sex.”
William groaned, covering his face with his hands. “Thanks for the imagery love but I’d prefer not to think about that right now.”
Buffy cringed. “Sorry.” She did feel a bit sore but the majority of the pain had faded now.
This can’t be happening, she thought, almost groaning aloud in frustration. Her virginity wasn’t something she’d thought about. She hadn’t considered herself a virgin for five years and that hadn’t changed when she got home, even if her body very obviously disagreed.
They lay there, side by side, for a few minutes in awkward silence. Then Buffy frowned. “How can I possibly remember having sex if I’ve never actually had it?”
“Huh?” He turned to look at her, a bemused expression on his face.
“It’s like the wine. I’d only had wine once so all the wine I had in Sunnydale tasted like that wine. So, if I’ve never actually had sex, how could I have known what it was like enough to have created memories of having it?”
William didn’t answer for a minute and she thought that maybe he just didn’t want to talk about it. This was what one would call a bizarre conversation after all.
“Well love,” he said finally. “It’s not like you’d never made out with a guy before. I guess you probably just based it on that.”
“But that would mean that my idea of sex is probably way off base. Wouldn’t it?”
“That’s true.” William made a horrified face. “You mean I’m supposed to follow five years of fantasy sex? Oh man,” he groaned and covered his face with his hands again, “no man should have to live up to a woman’s imagination.”
Buffy giggled at his dismayed tone. “Well you do have big shoes to fill. I mean, I’ve had some pretty wild times in the sack.” An image of Spike prowling up the bed towards her flitted through her mind and she squirmed in appreciation.
William rolled onto his side to leer at her. “And where do you think you got the inspiration for that, my dear?”
She looked shocked. “Did we make out?”
“Oh, you could say we had our moments toward the end there,” he replied with a smug grin. “I did give you your first orgasm. You’re missing out big time by not having those memories.”
She swatted him playfully as she expressed her displeasure. “That is so not fair. I was involved in something smutty and I don’t even get to enjoy it.”
“Well you know, pet.” He trailed one fingertip up her arm as he spoke, all low and sexy. “It’s not too late to be involved in something new and just as smutty.”
Captivated by the look in his eye, Buffy scooted closer to him. “Do you think maybe you’d like to help me with that?” She brushed her lips back and forth across his slowly, teasing him.
He sighed in pleasure. “I think I could probably manage that.”
They smiled at each other, and Buffy felt her chest expand with happiness that she was even here with this wonderful man.
“I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere,” he said as he moved suddenly off the bed.
Buffy frowned, disappointed that he’d broken the moment. “Where are you going?”
She’d barely formed the question when he reappeared with a wet wash cloth in his hand. “It’s for the blood, love.”
Buffy gasped in horror as she sprang up onto his knees, not wanting to stain the sheets. “I’m bleeding?”
“Buffy, it’s all right. It’s just a little bit.” He urged her back onto the bed until she was lying down. “This will make you feel better.”
When she clamped her knees together anxiously he laid down beside her, kissing her on the forehead. “Please baby,” he said quietly. “Let me take care of you?”
Taking a deep breath Buffy consciously forced herself to relax, allowing him to slide the cloth covered hand between her legs. He was right, she admitted to herself a moment later, it does feel good.
Slowly, he moved the warm, wet cloth against her. The heat soothed the slight ache that was still present and the pressure of his hand against her made her stomach tighten in response. Without realising it she began to move her hips slightly, pushing back against him, silently asking for more.
When his lips appeared on her neck, kissing her gently, she sighed. Moving her head to the side she invited him to continue as her body began to move with more abandon. Then the cloth was gone and his fingers were resting against her bare flesh. Stroking gently, slowly reigniting the arousal she’d felt earlier.
“Will?” she murmured.
When he made a vague questioning sound, she asked, “We don’t have to stop do we?”
She felt him smile against her neck. “Are you sure you don’t want to stop?”
Stroking his cheek, she looked into his eyes and smiled softly. Somehow it felt different, now that she knew. This was her first time. She was glad it would be with him. “I’m sure.”
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Chapter 19: The first time
Author's Notes: Hi all. Thank you for all the lovely reviews. I'm so enjoying this story and it's wonderful to know that you guys are enjoying it right along with me.
Thanks once again to sixstringbaby for looking over this chapter for me. I'll be sending you more soon!
Chapter Nineteen
Buffy wondered if this was what it felt like to be loved. Really loved. William was slowly, torturously covering her body with kisses. His hands moved restlessly over her skin, as if he wanted to touch all of her at once. Now, his tongue laved one hard nipple with devotion and she shivered as she arched up into his mouth.
“William.” The name left her lips on a sigh.
In response he levered himself up to find her lips, delving back into her mouth. Sliding one arm beneath her he rolled them over until she was sprawled atop his body. Shifting her legs so that she straddled his thighs comfortably, Buffy sat up so as to get a better look at him. Her hands explored his chest slowly, teasing him.
He smiled sexily, his own hands stroking her and making her quiver.
Her fingertips wandered down to his abs and she marvelled at the obvious strength and power of his body. Finally, her gaze was drawn lower, to where his erection rested against his taut stomach. Catching her lower lip between her teeth she simply stared at him for a moment before reaching out to wrap her fingers around him, delighting in his harsh intake of breath.
She slowly slid her fingers up and down his pulsing shaft, drinking in the sight of him. Every twitch, every moan increased her confidence. Leaning over him she bent down to his ear, her hand still playing with him, and whispered, “I want to feel you moving inside me.”
His reaction was immediate. Grabbing another condom from the still open drawer, he launched forward to wrap his arms around her, devouring her mouth in a deep, soul-searching kiss. Still moving forward he pushed her down onto her back, settling between her thighs. This time when she felt him pressing into her she tensed slightly, but he whispered loving words into her ear. Telling her how beautiful she was, how much he wanted her, and before long she was moving against him in invitation.
As he sank slowly into her willing body Buffy was surprised by the feeling of fullness that spread throughout her. Sensations she’d never felt before rippled out from the place where they were joined, making her quake with pleasure. Her breath became more and more laboured until she was fairly panting, fighting to comprehend what was happening to her body. It wasn’t what she was expecting; it was new, different. It was fucking unbelievable.
“Will?” she gasped, a little scared of the intensity of these new emotions.
Pulling back a little, William rested his forehead against hers, smiling into her eyes as he gently caressed her face and neck. “Shhh. It’s okay Buffy. Stay with me, okay?”
Focusing on his clear, blue eyes Buffy felt the fear dissipate, leaving only the glorious sensations that were rolling through her in ever greater waves.
“You feel so good kitten,” he continued. “So right. Do you feel it?”
Releasing a sudden breath Buffy nodded. “Yes. I feel it.”
“That’s my girl.” Capturing her lips once again William began to thrust deeper, groaning into her mouth at the feel of her body surrounding him. Her muscles squeezing him tightly.
“Oh God,” she cried, losing control of her rioting emotions. “You’re so deep. I feel so…so full.”
William had to fight to keep from coming at her words, his thrusts growing impossibly fast.
Then suddenly Buffy went rocketing over the edge into a bliss she’d never before dreamed existed. Her vision exploded in a kaleidoscope of colours and her body shuddered violently, clenching William within her.
Her name was torn from his throat as he hurtled after her, his face buried in her neck as his climaxed pulsed through his entire body.
**********
Buffy awoke slowly; feeling as though she’d run a marathon. Groaning at the soreness in her muscles she began to stretch her limbs. The arm that was wrapped around her waist tightened, and suddenly memories of the night before came flooding back to her.
A contented smile spread across her lips and she turned in his embrace to find him watching her quietly with sleepy eyes.
“Good morning gorgeous,” she murmured quietly.
“’Morning, pet.” Snuggling closer, he pressed his lips to her neck in a warm kiss. “Did you sleep well?”
“Like the dead,” she said with a laugh. “Or just a very sated woman.”
William grinned widely at her words. “Me too, love. Except for the woman part.” He tucked her hair behind her ear. “How do you feel?”
Buffy shifted experimentally. “I little sore, but I’m okay.”
“Good.” He paused for a moment, looking reluctant to speak, before finally saying, “So,umm…I can’t help but ask: Was the real thing anything like the fantasy?”
Buffy smiled. She’d had a feeling this question would come up eventually. “It was completely different,” she admitted wryly. “But better,” she continued quickly when she saw his crestfallen expression. “It was so…consuming. Like every single part of my body was going into hyperdrive or something. You know?”
William chuckled. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”
“Sex before was great. It really was. But I never felt so…full. So connected. Last night was…,” a voice sounded in her head and she couldn’t help but let the words slip free, “it was a bloody revelation.”
William chuckled. “How very Spike sounding.”
She snuggled in his arms, hoping he wasn’t upset by her use of what was obviously a Spikeism — the word ‘bloody’ was a dead giveaway, after all. “Well,” she confessed, “he definitely did come closest to the real thing. I guess whatever part of my mind does remember our times together really, really enjoyed those times.”
He rested his head on his hand so he could look down at her with a smirk. “Well then I guess I’m glad that I provided you with a good foundation for sexual satisfaction over the years.”
When the laughter died down, hope was shining in hers eyes as she asked quietly, “Does that mean you’re not angry at me anymore? For creating Spike?”
He sighed heavily. “No, I’m not angry. I guess I was jealous of him more than anything. He got to be with you when I couldn’t. But when you explained that he was your way of keeping me close; even if it did take you a long time to let me get anywhere near you…it makes me glad that I could be there for you in some small way.” He smiled ruefully. “It still sucks that I missed out on all the hanky-panky though.”
Buffy laughed, joy coursing through her at his words. “Don’t worry,” she assured him as she moved over him and began to kiss her way along his jaw. “We can recreate every hanky.” Kiss. “As well as every panky.” Kiss. “Till you’re completely satisfied.”
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Chapter 20: Distractions
Author's Notes: Thanks for the reviews guys. I get such a big kick out of reading every single one. I hope you enjoy the new chapter. Thanks to sixstringbaby for taking a look at it for me.
Chapter Twenty
Rachel’s eyes practically rolled back into her head in pleasure as she chewed and swallowed. “This is saving my life,” she declared blissfully.
Buffy giggled at her dramatics. “You should have mentioned you were hungry. I would have ordered ages ago.”
Shaking her head, Rachel picked up another piece of pizza. “No way. I was determined to get to the end of that last chapter before we stopped. That test is next week and I refuse to have to do it all over again.”
Their books were spread haphazardly around the room, now being ignored in favour of the more urgent matter of eating. The weeks had passed quickly and the two women had come to enjoy each other’s company, both in and out of class. They’d been studying all night and were now indulging in some well-earned relaxation time.
“Where are your folks tonight?” Rachel asked.
“Some charity thing. They won’t be home till after midnight for sure.”
“I don’t know how you do it. I couldn’t stand living with my parents now that I’ve been out on my own.” Rachel visibly shuddered at the thought.
Buffy simply shrugged. “They’re okay. I haven’t been back in town that long so I haven’t really had a chance to find a place of my own yet.”
Finishing off the last of her pizza, Rachel asked, “Where did you live before?”
Opening her mouth to give the automatic spiel about living in a small town up the coast, Buffy stopped suddenly. She really liked Rachel. She reminded her so much of Faith, with her down-to-earth attitude and her slightly standoffish ways. For some reason she found herself wanting to be straight with her new friend.
“Actually I was…umm…in a mental institution.”
Rachel’s eyed widened comically. “No shit! Really?”
Cringing, but hoping she wouldn’t lose her new friend, she nodded. “Yep. I was all with the loony tunes.”
“What was wrong with you?”
“I had some sort of mental breakdown when I was in high school. Built a little delusional world for myself to live in. Stayed there for six years.” She shrugged. “Just came out of it a few months ago.”
“And that’s why you’re just getting your diploma now?” Rachel asked interestedly.
“Yeah.” Buffy waited patiently for Rachel’s reaction, half expected her to start making excuses why she had to leave.
But instead Rachel asked, “What was it like? Your delusional world.”
Turning red with embarrassment, Buffy nervously brushed her hair away from her face. “It was pretty much the same as it is here only I lived in a little town called Sunnydale and I was a…err…a superhero.”
Rachel laughed, clapping her hands in appreciation. “That's fantastic. I mean if you’re gonna create your own world you might as well be important in it, right?”
Buffy smiled, surprised by Rachel’s ready acceptance of her situation. “Pretty much.”
“You didn’t wear tights and a cape did you? Cause if you did I may have to leave.”
Laughing at the image that created Buffy was quick to reassure her. “No. Definitely no capes. I was a vampire slayer so it was really just me and Mr Pointy.”
“Mr Pointy?”
“My stake.”
Rachel’s eyebrows lifted. “You named your stake?”
Cringing again, Buffy dropped her head in her hands. “I know, I know. It was a thing.”
“Wow,” Rachel muttered to herself, seeming to be reflecting on the conversation. “When you said you got distracted you weren’t kidding were you.”
“Nope,” she replied with a wryly smile. “I was about as distracted as you can get.”
“But you’re better now?”
Buffy shrugged. “So far so good.”
**********
“I was distracted by a guy.”
Buffy looked up from her ice cream to give Rachel a questioning look.
“I know. Total cliché right?”
Smiling softly, Buffy replied, “Depends on the guy.”
“Well this guy…he was something else.” Rachel was plucking at a loose thread on her jeans. “He was a bartender at a club I used to go to. We hit it off right away; it was love at first sight. Or at least it was for me.”
Buffy sat quietly and listened. She could see that it was taking a lot for Rachel to tell her this; could see the pain that burned in her eyes.
“He told me that he loved me. Convinced me to leave my family, not that I think they really minded that I was gone. I kind of just stopped going to school. It was hard making enough money to live on and before I knew it we were stealing what we needed to get by. Nothing big, just some food and stuff.”
She looked up, as if trying to gauge Buffy’s reaction, just as Buffy had done to her moments before and Buffy smiled encouragingly.
“One night he showed up with a gun, I don’t know where he got it. He wanted to rob a gas station.” Rachel’s foot tapped nervously on the ground. “I didn’t want to but…I loved him. I would have done anything for him.” She gave a sad depreciating laugh. “I was a stupid kid.”
“What happened?” Buffy asked gently.
“We got caught about three gas stations later. Turns out he’s been in and out of prison for years; I had no idea. That’s where he is now.” She shrugged casually, though this telling was obviously still difficult. “I got off easy because I’d never been in trouble before. The judge sent me to jail for a little while; said she wanted to scare me straight. Now I’m out and trying to put my life back together.”
“Hence the going back to school?”
Rachel cringed. “Actually that’s court ordered. I probably would have gone back anyway though. I don’t ever want to go back to jail again.”
“I can understand why.” Taking a moment to assimilate these new revelations, Buffy lifted her glass of soda in a toast. “Here’s to no more jails, no more loony bins, and definitely no more distractions.”
Rachel lifted her own glass with a look a relief on her face. “I’ll drink to that.”
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Chapter 21: The absence of devotion
Author's Notes: A big thank you to my reviews.
Also, thanks to sixstringbaby and Megan for betaing this chapter for me.
Chapter Twenty-One
Buffy could tell Rachel was nervous as they approached Freestyler. It turned out Rachel had pretty much lost all her friends when she’d taken up with Charlie, the guy that had ‘led her up the garden path’ as she liked to say. Able to appreciate that kind of loneliness, Buffy had asked her to come and meet her new friends. It took a few weeks of convincing, but finally Rachel had agreed.
“These guys don’t actually know about Sunnydale,” Buffy explained as they walked. “I just told them that I was living in a town up north. Except William.” She smiled a little dreamily. “He was my friend before so…he knows everything.”
“Okay,” Rachel said, taking a fortifying breath. “What about me. Do they know about me?”
“Don’t worry,” Buffy assured her. “All they know is that my friend Rachel is coming tonight. They’ll only know what you choose to tell them.”
“Right.” She raked her hands through her long dark hair for the tenth time. “Okay. Let’s do this.”
Entering the club they headed for the bar where they found Zac struggling to balance a load of full glasses in his hands.
“Hey Zac,” Buffy said as they approached.
“Buffaroony,” Zac replied cheerily, giving up on the glasses in favour of giving Buffy a bear hug. “How’s my favourite girl?”
“Great.” She smiled at him happily.
Zac’s eyes flitted to the woman standing at Buffy’s side — and stayed there. “Hello,” he said quietly.
Stepping back a little so she wouldn’t get in the way of Zac’s standard greeting, which she’d so enjoyed herself, Buffy started making the introductions. “Rachel this is Zac. Zac, Rachel.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” Zac said graciously, shaking Rachel’s hand.
Smiling tentatively Rachel replied, “You too.”
Buffy stood there slack-jawed. Where was the kneeling and the declarations of devotion?
“Can I buy you ladies a drink?” Zac asked, his eyes not leaving Rachel for a moment.
Amused by his obvious interest in her friend, Buffy put in a quick order before declaring she would help carry the other drinks over to their table and leaving them to follow when they finally found their way out of each other’s eyes. She giggled as she decided it might take a while.
When she reached the table Buffy deposited the drinks on the wooden surface and slid into a chair beside William.
“Evening kitten,” he purred with a soft kiss. Buffy sighed happily and snuggled into his side.
“Where’s your friend, Buffy?” Kate asked a moment later.
“She’s at the bar talking to Zac.”
Abby rolled her eyes. “Don’t tell me, he’s found the new love of his life again?”
Buffy quirked an eyebrow. “Actually no. When I introduced them he just shook her hand and asked if he could buy us drinks. It was so weird.”
“Wow,” Kate voiced her shock as the three girls eyed the couple just now heading toward them. “Guess he must really like her.”
Zac spoke as soon as they reached the table. “Everyone, this is Rachel.”
The group paused, waiting for the ‘love of my life’ comment but were met with silence. When they all realised he wasn’t going to speak they broke into a verbose babble of greetings.
Hoping to dispel the now awkward moment, Buffy jumped out of her chair. “Come on girls,” she insisted. “Let’s go dance.” Rachel could only grin at Zac as the other three women led her onto the dance floor.
**********
William and Zac sat side by side. They’d long given up the pretence that they weren’t sitting there just to stare as the women did the bump and grind on the dance floor. Kate and Abby had left some time ago so only Buffy and Rachel remained.
It turned out Rachel was a good dancer. She and Buffy moving together was like watching soft lesbian porn. Or at least it was in the minds of the two men.
“That woman has me twisted into a pretzel.”
William glanced sideways at his friend. “And here you’ve only known her five hours.”
“Yeah,” Zac sighed dreamily.
Having never seen him react to any woman like this, William could only chuckle and shake his head.
“You’d better ask her out tonight or I’ll have to relegate you to the dubious status of nancy-boy.”
“Oh I will. Don’t you worry about that,” Zac confirmed eagerly. “I just figure I should wait till a moment when I don’t have a raging hard-on. It helps with the whole construction of sentences thing.”
Laughing heartily, William clapped him on the back good-naturedly. “From the way you’re looking at her mate, you could be waiting a while.”
“Geez man, thanks for the support.” Zac rolled his eyes. “You know you shouldn’t pick on the pathetic. It’s not like you’ll be going home alone tonight.”
“Damn right,” William nodded smugly. “I already got my girl.”
“And a damn fine girl she is,” Zac declared and they clinked beer bottles in agreement.
“Speaking of which,” William continued. “We should probably get going. If I have to watch Buffy wiggle like that much longer I may just combust.”
“Sure man. Hey, I’ll give Rachel a lift home if she’d like.”
William grinned broadly as he rose from the table. “I’ll let her know. I have a sneaking suspicion she’d like.” With that he edged his way over to the two women.
**********
“Dancing like that should be illegal,” William growled as he stripped Buffy’s clothes from her body. He bent his head to bite her shoulder as he bared it to his hungry gaze and she gasped in pleasure.
“But then how would I drive you crazy?” she asked innocently.
Chuckling, he pushed her naked body down onto the couch. “Kitten, all you have to do to drive me crazy is walk into the room.” As he spoke he dropped kisses onto her legs, starting from the ankles and working his way up.
She reached her arms over her head, her back arching as she quivered in anticipation of his next touch. “How very virile of you,” she muttered, her mouth quirking upward.
Pausing at the apex of her thighs, he bent his head so she could feel his breath against this most sensitive part of her body as he said, “I guess it must be the Spike in me.” Then he licked her with one long, firm stroke, loving the way she cried out.
“Really,” she gasped between sighs and groans, twisting under the ministrations of his mouth and hands. “Well then, if you let out the Spike in you, I’ll let out the Slayer in me.”
When she saw a flare of excitement in his eyes, she used all her strength to push him upward and rolled them until they landed on the floor with a heavy thump.
“Bloody hell,” William exclaimed in surprise.
Straddling his hips, Buffy ripped his shirt open, heedless of the buttons that flew every which way. Drawing her fingernails down his chest she asked with wide-eyed wonder, “What’s the matter baby? Don’t you like it rough?”
Laughing heartily at her antics, William sat up beneath her, grabbing her wrists and pinning them behind her back. “Oh, I’ll show you rough, pet.”
Their mouths clashed in passionate abandon, each demanding submission from the other, and each just as determined as the other not to give in.
Working her hands between their bodies, Buffy set about undoing his belt. The fact that she was the only one naked was a distinct disadvantage and she had every intention of rectifying the situation as soon as possible. She was grateful when he lifted his hips so she could work his jeans off, and then she quickly moved back up his body, sliding her bare skin against his at every opportunity.
Before she could settle herself atop him again, William rolled them over and lifted himself from her body. She hadn’t even had a chance to frown in question when he swept an arm across the coffee table, sending everything on top of it clattering to the floor. Then he lifted her up in his arms and deposited her abruptly on the table’s wooden surface. Kneeling in front of her, he hooked her legs over his shoulders and leaned forward to kiss her.
Crying out, Buffy bucked her hips violently against his mouth. “Oh God,” she whispered as he began to lick, nibble and suck on her wet flesh until she thought she’d die from the pleasure. Every few seconds he would flick the tip of his tongue against her clitoris, sending her into sweet spasms of ecstasy that reached higher and higher with every contact. As her first orgasm began to take her over, she reached down to tangle her fingers in his hair, holding him against her as she rode the waves of her own completion.
Just as the feelings began to ebb, she felt William entering her with slow, rhythmic thrusts and she moaning in satisfaction. Wrapping her legs around his back, she used her own hands to stroke her body. Circling her hard nipples with her fingertips, she smiled as she heard William’s strangled groan.
Lifting himself carefully off his knees, William moved her back across the coffee table so he could lower himself onto her body without sliding out of her warmth. As he pressed kisses along her collarbone, his thrusts became more forceful and Buffy could feel another orgasm building low in her belly. Moving with the force of his pounding hips, she could feel her head edging off the back of the table and, loving the way her back arched up into him, she allowed her head to drop backwards. Her golden hair spilled down to brush against the carpet and soft sighs escaped her as she felt herself falling into an abyss of pleasure. Relaxing her body, she allowed the feelings to ripple through her, peaking as she felt William coming inside her; her name was a hoarse cry on his lips as he shuddered with his own release.
When they had both grown still, their harsh breathing the only sound in the room, William stood and lifted her gently from the coffee table. They kissed languidly as he carried her into the bedroom and there they curled up in each other’s arms. Their happiness complete as they drifted off to sleep.
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Chapter 22: My life in words
Author's Notes: Hi all. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm very interested to know what you think of it. So, please review. Thanks to sixstringbaby for looking it over for me.
Chapter Twenty-Two
“Can I sneak a peak in the bag now?”
Buffy looked up to see William holding the bag she’d brought with her when she came for dinner. “Sure.”
Obviously curious, William quickly opened the bag. He looked up in confusion. “As desserts go they’re tasty, but somehow lack sophistication.”
She laughed. “Get over here.” Rifling through her bag, Buffy found a packet of birthday candles and a cigarette lighter. When William handed her the bag she pulled out the two cup cakes, carefully placed a candle in each of the cakes and lit them.
Sensing the sudden solemnity of her mood, William ventured, “Whose birthday is it Buffy?”
She looked at him with a sad smile, her eyes a little watery. “Dawn’s. It’s Dawn’s birthday.” When he reached for her she moved into his embrace willingly. “I hope you don’t mind. I didn’t want to celebrate it alone.”
“I don’t mind love,” he reassured her. “I know how much you loved her. How much you still miss her.”
Nodding, she said, “I do. I miss all of them.” A tear escaped to roll down her cheek and she swiped it away. “I know I can’t see them again but…I don’t want to forget them either.” She stared at the candle on her cup cake. The wax was slowly dribbling down the side of the candle, pooling at the base. If she waited much longer to blow it out she wouldn’t be able to eat any of the icing. The icing was Dawn’s favourite part. “They were my family.”
When Buffy looked at William a few moments later she frowned. He was staring at her with an odd look on his face, like he was suddenly psyching himself for something.
“Will, what’s wrong?”
He snapped out of it suddenly and shook his head. “Nothing.”
She lifted an eyebrow at him.
“It’s just…about you not wanting to forget.” He got up from the couch, obviously nervous, though she had no idea why. Finally, he took a deep breath and said, “There’s something I’ve been wanting to show you.”
“Okay,” she said carefully. “Show me.”
He became so still it was like he’d been captured in a freeze frame. “Well…it’s getting late. Maybe you should see it another time.”
“Show me.” Her expression clearly dared him to disobey her.
Swearing softly he disappeared into his office for a moment before returning with a small stack of paper clutched in one hand.
“What’s that?” She smiled expectantly, intrigued to know just what had her normally confident boyfriend so agitated.
He inched toward her slowly. “It’s just an idea I had. If you hate it I’ll throw it out and we never even have to mention it again.”
Rolling her eyes she reached forward to snatch the papers from his hand. “For goodness sake Will. Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad.”
Settling back into the couch with her now candle-less cup cake, she began to read…
Buffy left the building quietly, holding the large crossbow close to her chest. She could feel the smoothness of the satin dress brushing against her legs as she walked and mused on the irony of it all. Walking to her death, dressed in satin, with a weapon clutched in her hands.
A little boy was standing motionless in the grass just outside the school. “Help me?” he cried helplessly. She almost smiled. And the ironies just keep coming…
**********
When she was finished reading, Buffy shuffled the pages until they were neat again and placed them carefully on the table in front of her. Picking up the wine glass that was left on the table from dinner, she drained it dry. Only then did she look at William. The terrified look on his face was almost laughable. Almost.
“So, how long have you been writing about my life?” she asked politely.
“Not long.” He swallowed. “I know it’s probably a poor imitation but…one day over breakfast I was thinking about the stuff you’d told me about the night you fought the Master. When he killed you. And before I knew it I had a pen in my hand. It just kind of came out.”
Buffy took a moment to digest that before she spoke. “Okay. I get that. So what are you planning to do with it?”
William shook his head, throwing up his hands as he took a seat beside her on the couch. “That’s up to you. You can throw it out. You can keep it. We could continue it just between ourselves. Hell, if you want we could turn it into a book and try to get it published. Make it a series if we wanted.”
Interesting, she mused as she sat quietly, watching him squirm. She wanted to say something to make him feel better; but in all honestly she still had no idea how she felt about all this. He was writing her life! Granted he was doing a great job of it, but still…shouldn’t she be mad or something?
Growing more agitated under her calm perusal, William added, “You said that you didn’t want to forget them. I thought this might be a way for you to remember all the wonderful and painful and courageous things you did; and maybe even share them with the world. I’d like to think I’m a half decent writer now, and Buffy you have the most imaginative, amazing mind I’ve ever known. Together I really think we could create something wonderful and…and I’m running on and on like a right fool.” Glaring at the stack of paper reproachfully, he snatched it off the table impatiently and made for the kitchen. “Forget it. It was a dumb idea to begin with.”
“I don’t really want to share my entire life in Sunnydale with anyone who cares to read about it,” she began, causing him to halt halfway to the kitchen.
“I know. I’m sorry—” he began, but she cut him off.
“But…If you wrote it, you really think you could get it published?”
A hopeful smile appeared on his face as he replied, “If we wrote it then yes, I would like to think we could get it published.”
Buffy nodded thoughtfully. “And you’d set it up as a series of books? One for each of my…adventures, for lack of a better word.”
He nodded slowly.
“I have a condition.”
Quickly reseating himself on the couch, William took Buffy’s hands in his. “Anything love. Just name it.”
She took a deep breath. “I want Dawn to be the slayer.”
William’s eyes blinked in surprise. “What?”
Buffy looked at him steadily. “I said I want Dawn to be the slayer.”
He cocked his head to one side and Buffy fought a sudden smile at the Spike-like gesture.
“Why?” he asked.
She shrugged. “It just seems right somehow. I don’t belong there anymore and I don’t think I should be there. I think it would be bad for me.” She sighed a little sadly. “Dawn always felt like she was on the outside looking in. I want her to be the centre of attention this time.”
After a long silence, William smiled. “I like it. Plus there’s the whole irony thing with her name. A girl that’s named after the sunrise being forced to spend her nights fighting for her life in the darkness.”
Buffy smiled. “I didn’t think of that. See…that’s why you’re the writer.”
William chuckled. “Plus, I can’t say I would be displeased not to have to write about you and Angel.”
She nodded in understanding. “I get that.”
“But then again…I think writing about Dawn and Angel would be worse.”
“Ewww.” Buffy’s face screwed up at the thought.
“Exactly. But so much of your early life there was driven by your relationship with Angel. If we’re going to do something similar, it won’t work without a love interest.”
Thinking for a moment, Buffy suddenly grinned. “It’s all under control. I know just the person to sweep Dawn off her feet.”
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Chapter 23: The love of Dawn's life
Author's Notes: Thank you so much for the lovely reviews. I got such a laugh out of reading people's predictions for Dawn's love interest. And here I thought it was so obvious.
There is another author's note at the bottom of the chapter. Not something I normally do, but I didn't want to spoil the surprise by putting it here. I really hope you enjoy this one.
Chapter Twenty-Three
“Connor.”
“Yep.”
“Who is Connor?”
“Angel’s son.”
William’s eyebrows made an attempt to disappear into his hair. “Angel had a son?”
“Again with the yep.” She finished her cup cake with an appreciative sigh.
“When did this happen? And how?”
Buffy stood up and began pacing the room, gesticulating wildly with her hands. “Something about a prophecy. I don’t really know the ins and outs to be honest. He wasn’t born that long ago.”
Looking confused, William asked, “So you want to what…age baby Connor so he’ll be a match for Dawn?”
Buffy turned back to him with a mischievous look on her face. “No need. He was a teenager when I left.”
“Huh?” The look on William’s face was every bit as flummoxed as Buffy thought it would be and she couldn’t help but laugh.
She sat on the couch beside him. “Okay, he was a baby when he was kidnapped by some dude and taken to another dimension called Kotot or something. Time moves faster there, so when he came back he was all grown up. A seventeen year old bundle of stud-muffiny goodness.” She shrugged with a little smile. “I saw a picture.”
“Was he a vampire?” William asked, becoming animated with watcher-like interest.
“From what I heard he was human, but he had all the neat vamp advantages like strength and healing abilities and stuff. And that other dimension he grew up in was a hell dimension — really big with the demons and other nasty things. So, he was a really good fighter. He had to be to stay alive.” She thought for a moment. “I guess we can either choose to leave him the way he was, or turn him into a vampire. After all, it’s our book, right?”
“Right.” William laughed at her growing enthusiasm. “Well then,” he exclaimed happily. “I guess we have our hero.”
**********
Connor woke choking on a scream that refused to escape his throat; his sweat-drenched body tense to the point of shaking. Panicked eyes scanned the room, searching the darkness for any signs of danger. The familiarity of his dorm room was all that met his gaze.
With a weary sigh he pushed back the covers and rose from the bed. Making his way to the window he looked out over the college grounds; all lush and green after the summer showers. As he observed the stillness, the calm of the night, he finally began to relax. The tension faded from his body and he stretched to relieve his tired muscles.
Every night had been the same since his parents had told him the truth about where he’d really come from. An anguished sound left his throat at the thought of his parents. Only they weren’t his parents were they. No. In truth he was the unborn spawn of two master vampires. The strength and abilities he had just begun to discover were his unholy inheritance; all he had to show for his true heritage.
He still couldn’t wrap his head around it. Everything he remembered about his life was false — his happy childhood, his friends, the time he’d kissed Sally Davis behind the gym. That was all a lie. His real memories had only started a couple of months ago. So what really happened before that? Before this shiny, happy life?
For a while he had tried to remember his true past. He would sit for hours meditating, trying to bring those hidden memories to the surface. At first nothing had happened, but then, with some practice, he began to feel a sense of great dread wash over him with every attempt, and his mind would instinctively shy away. It was almost like someone else was lurking beneath the shadows of his consciousness. Someone evil.
That’s when the dreams he’d been having became nightmares. Ghoulish visions of demons and bloodshed. In every dream he was fighting for his life, hunted like an animal by monsters so grotesque and deformed that he never could have conjured them with his own limited imagination. Now, instead of seeking the truth, he shunned it. There was so much darkness and death there; he wasn’t sure he even wanted to know. But with the dreams getting worse; he was beginning to think that maybe it was already too late.
So now, with two sets of memories intertwining in his mind — one he remembered clearly, and another shrouded in shadows — the question became: Who was he really?
Buffy looked up from the page in excitement? “You made this stuff up?”
William nodded. “Yeah. I’ve been playing around with it and this is how I’m thinking it could go. When Connor comes back from that hell dimension, Angel decides he’s put the kid through enough and has his true memories replaced with memories of a happy life with a loving family. That family takes care of Connor until something happens that reveals his hidden strengths. Like he’s in some horrific accident but is completely unhurt. Right?”
Buffy nodded, so he continued, full of excitement and enthusiasm. “So when he finds out the truth he starts trying to figure out what his powers actually are. That’s how he crosses paths with Dawn.”
“So, will he ever remember what really happened to him?”
“Yes!” William shouted, practically bursting with energy. “Angel and you were torn apart when he lost his soul. Well, Connor’s regaining of all those traumatic memories, for whatever reason we come up with, can be the thing that tears Connor and Dawn apart. This kid lived in a hell dimension for seventeen years. He’s only been back for one or two years. He’s gonna be a wreck when he remembers it all.
“It gives us a lot to work with. Plus, it still leaves the readers with hope of Dawn and Connor ending up together because they aren’t a hopeless cause. They just have a lot to work through.” He shrugged, a mischievous glint in her eyes. “Kind of like us when you first got back.”
“Oh my God,” Buffy murmured as she got up from the couch. “I’m so hot for you right now.”
William laughed as he grabbed her by the hips. “Hell, I’m so good I’m hot for me right now.”
Smiling, Buffy tossed the papers onto the floor and tackled him to the couch. “I get to have you first.”
[A/N: I took a small detour from the canon of the two shows here. As far as we know Buffy never knew about Connor. Also, Gone was aired in March of 2002 and Connor didn’t return from Quor-toth till May of 2002. I was so disappointed when I found out. But…I loved the idea so much that I used it anyway. Also, William quite conveniently thought of some of the storyline that actually happened in Angel. Wasn’t that insightful of him?]
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Chapter 24: The other side of forgetting
Author's Notes: Thank you so much for the great reviews. I'm so happy that you're enjoying this story. I've finished the draft version of it now so I'll be continuing to post regularly until it's finished.
Also, I'm about to post a new story called 'Complicated Acquaintance'. I'd love it if you could check it out. It just a one chapter stand-alone. Yes, I'm plugging my own story. I have no shame.
Oh, and drop everything to go read 'Near Enough' by Samara. It's fantastic.
Chapter Twenty-Four
“So where would you like to have lunch pet?” Spike asked as they strolled along Main Street, browsing through the stores.
Buffy shrugged. “Hmmm, I feel like a big juicy hamburger.”
Grinning, William put his arm around her shoulders to hug her closer against him. “You got it ducks. Frank’s Diner makes the best hamburgers you’ve ever tasted. You’ll love it.”
“Yay,” she replied happily.
“Hey, isn’t that your Dad?”
Following William’s gaze, Buffy looked across the street, noting that they were indeed opposite her father’s workplace. On the sidewalk in front of the building, her father was talking amiably with a woman about his age. She was wearing a stylish business suit and Buffy figured she must have been someone he worked with. “Yeah, that’s him,” she answered. “Maybe we should go say hello.”
As they watched her father and the woman seemed to be saying their goodbyes. Hank leaned forward to give the woman a quick kiss on the cheek before getting into a cab and driving off into the distance. Suddenly, the world seemed to tilt sideways and Buffy reached for William’s hand as she felt herself starting to hyperventilate. It wasn’t a romantic kiss, she mused thoughtfully, even as she felt panic engulfing her body. It was the kind of kiss you give an acquaintance or an old friend. So why, she wondered as the blackness closed in, why am I crying?
**********
Pictures flickered behind her eyelids, like an old movie reel. She tried to open her eyes but they felt so heavy. Her head swirled with the images filling her brain and she rolled over, trying to escape them.
She saw her father in his office at home. He wasn’t alone.
She’d come home from school that day because she felt sick. Walking up to the door she turned the knob, intending to let her father know she was home before going up to bed. He was there. So was she; that strange woman Buffy had never seen before. Now she saw more than she ever wanted to see. He had her bent over the desk and he was…from behind.
Buffy had frozen in place, her eyes wide with shock as she watched them move together. Thrusting and groaning like a pair of animals. Finally, with a cry, she tore herself away, running back out the front door and into the street.
She’d seen her perfect life go up in smoke when she’d opened that door. Everything she’d believed she had was gone. The perfect family. Two parents that loved her and loved each other. All gone. Nothing she’d ever known was real. It had all been a lie.
Desperate to avoid her father, she’d run and run until she’d reached a nearby park. She’d played there, with her parents, as a child. They’d been happy times.
There had been a man that night. A tall man with a beard and funny clothes. He’d found her sitting on the park bench, crying, and had asked if she was okay. She had no idea what made her tell this man, this stranger, what she’d seen. But she did.
“This is terrible but…you’ll be okay,” he’d told her. “You’re stronger than you think, you know.”
She’d sniffed sadly. “I’m not strong. I’m just me.”
When he looked at her, she saw wisdom in his eyes and for a moment it made her feel safe again. “Don’t be so quick to dismiss yourself,” he’d told her. “Your potential is greater than you realise. You can slay demons if only you believe in yourself. You see, my dear, even you can be a hero if you choose to be.”
“A hero?” she whispered reverently.
“Oh yes,” he replied. “You need only to believe.”
Seeming satisfied with their conversation, the old man rose from the bench and began to walk away.
Seeing him go, Buffy asked suddenly, “What’s your name?”
He turned for a moment to smile at her, a bright twinkle in his eye. “Merrick,” he replied.
Buffy bolted upright in the bed, her eyes wide with shock. Gulping great lungfuls of air, she fought to calm her thundering pulse.
“Buffy? Are you okay?”
Turning her head, she found William kneeling by her side, concern etched on his face. Spots began to form once again in front of her eyes and she keened softly. Pressing the heels of her hands to her eyes, she tried to make sense of the flood of memories that were swamping her. They were all disjointed, out of order, out of context. It made her want to vomit.
She saw William, a scruffy sixteen year old with long, curling, light brown hair. He’d smiled at her shyly as his parents introduced him to her. He’d had an honesty about him and she’d liked him right away.
She saw herself helping William bleach his hair after he’d been beaten up at school. Together they’d decided he needed a new image, something that screamed ‘nerd’ a little less.
She saw the nervous but excited look on his face as leaned in to kiss her for the first time. She’d been almost dizzy with anticipation. William’s lips. Lips of William. She heard herself groan as she returned his kiss.
She saw the look on his face as she told him about Merrick and the vampires. She’d been so relieved to finally tell someone. She trusted him completely and knew that he would keep her secret.
She saw herself crying as she was restrained by a large orderly. “Please Mommy, you have to let me come home. I’ll be good I promise; I won’t talk about the vampires anymore. I’ll-I’ll tell Merrick I quit.”
She saw her mother’s beautiful face, now ravaged by tears and suffering. “I’m sorry Buffy. But the doctors here can help you and then you’ll be well again. I’ll be here everyday to visit you and so will William.”
Her eyes had landed on William then. She’d felt the pain of his treachery deeper than anything else she’d ever experienced in her young life. “You,” she spat angrily. “This is all your fault. You and your big mouth.” Suddenly she was yelling at him, blaming him for everything that she couldn’t deal with in her life. “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. I hate you. I hope you rot in hell, you traitor!”
With a lurch, Buffy dragged herself back to the present. Harsh barking sobs wracked her body as she was bombarded with a myriad of emotions. “Will,” she cried loudly when she realised she was alone in the room, knowing that he would be nearby.
He was in the room in an instant, dropping his cell phone on the floor in his rush to get to her. When his arms closed around her she all but fell into his embrace. “It’s alright, baby,” he said soothingly. “I’m here; and your Mum’s on her way.”
When she finally caught her breath, she looked at him with sorrowful eyes. “I remember, Will,” she whispered. “I remember everything.”
A light sparked in William’s eyes and he asked quietly, “You remember…”
“You?” she finished for him. “Yes. I remember you.” Her face dissolved again into tears and she clutched him tightly to her. “I’m so sorry, Will. The way I treated you. The things I said to you. How can you ever forgive me?”
“Hey,” he said soothingly as he stroked her back with gentle fingers. “You were an angry, scared sixteen year old girl, Buffy. You believed everything you’d told me was the truth and that I betrayed you.” He drew back to look into her tear-reddened eyes. “I won’t say it didn’t hurt — a lot. But I’m not angry about any of that. I never was.”
“Really?” she squeaked, sounding like a little girl to her own ears.
He hugged her close again. “Really, truly.”
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Chapter 25: Telling Mom
Author's Notes: A big thanks to Megan for her ever wonderful betaing skills.
Also thanks to my readers, and especially my reviewers. You guys help me to keep typing when the going gets tough.
I hope you enjoy the new chapter.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Joyce looked beyond harassed as she barged through William’s front door without knocking.
“Where is she?” she demanded when she spotted him in the kitchen. “Is she okay?”
“She’s doing better now,” he replied, quick to reassure her. “But she’s had a rough time of it. She’s on the couch.”
Nodding her thanks, Joyce immediately made for the living room. “Buffy?”
Looking up, Buffy practically flew into her mother’s arms, the seemingly never ending tears starting yet again.
“Honey, what happened?” Her mother sounded calmer now that she was holding Buffy in her arms; could see for herself that her daughter was alright.
William entered with cups of hot tea and Buffy sank back down onto the couch, accepting her cup gratefully.
Taking a sip of the hot liquid, she placed the cup carefully on the coffee table. “Will and I were shopping on Main Street this morning,” she began, hating that she had to have this conversation. “We were passing by Dad’s office building and we just happened to see him out the front talking to a woman. He kissed her on the cheek and then left in a taxi.” Seeing her mother’s eyes widen in surprise, she hurried on, “Not that kind of kiss. Just a friendly kiss. But…it sent me into some kind of panic attack.”
“A panic attack,” her mother said. “But why would that—”
“Mom,” Buffy cut her off, needing to get this out before she lost her nerve. “I know why I got sick.”
It took her a half hour to explain it all. In that time her mother had risen to go stand by the window. She had yet to say a word.
“I think that first night there really was a Merrick. That he was just a man who saw a girl crying in the park and wanted to make her feel better,” she said as she was finishing her tale of that life-altering day. “But after that…I think maybe that’s when I started to see things that weren’t really there. Merrick, or the thought of Merrick, became a safe haven for me. I just wanted to feel like I was in control again. I wanted to be a hero.”
Rising from the couch, Buffy approached her mother, touching her on the shoulder. “I’m so sorry you had to find out like this.”
“I knew.” Her mother’s voice was so quiet she almost missed the words.
Buffy frowned, thinking she must have heard wrong. “What?”
Joyce turned from the window and now Buffy could see the anger in her eyes. “I knew he was having an affair. I’d insisted he end it; he didn’t. We’d been talking about a separation. Then you got sick.” Joyce’s fists clenched tightly and her voice wavered with rage. “Suddenly he changed. He told me he was sorry and that he would never do it again. That he just wanted to concentrate on you and our marriage.” She began to shake her head. “He never told me that you knew. He never told me that you saw him like that…with her.”
Moving suddenly, Joyce grabbed her purse from the coffee table and headed for the door. “He never told me it was all his fault!”
**********
When Buffy and William pulled to a screeching halt in front of the house a few minutes later, they could already hear the argument that was going on inside.
“How could you?!” Joyce’s voice bellowed as they came through the front door.
“What was I supposed to say?” Hank’s words were quieter, his face heavy with shame. “Our daughter saw me having sex with another woman and it drove her crazy — literally. You were already so upset. How was I supposed to tell you that?”
Holding William’s hand clenched tightly in her own, Buffy took a deep breath and, swiping at the tears on her cheeks, she entered the room.
When Hank caught sight of her, he stilled. “Buffy,” he whispered.
When she continued to stand silently just inside the doorway he walked slowly toward her. “I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.”
“Why did you do it, Dad?” she asked solemnly. “I thought we were happy; a family.”
He shook his head angrily, though she could tell it was self-directed. “I don’t know. Your mother and I were having problems and I just…let it happen. I’ve never regretted anything more in my life.”
“Didn’t you wonder why I never told Mom?” Her composure was beginning to crack now, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.
“At first I guess I just thought you didn’t want to upset your mother. But then later, when we realised there was something wrong with you…You didn’t seem to even remember it.”
“I couldn’t honestly tell you if I remembered it or not,” she snapped. “From that night on I’m not sure what memories are real and which are false. I’ll never know for sure what happened next.” Her body began to crumble as she fought against the reality of the situation. Her own father had triggered the breakdown that kept her a prisoner in her own mind for six long years. No wonder I had such fucked up relationships with men, she thought bitterly.
William’s arms wrapped around her from behind, holding her upright and she was grateful for his support.
“Tell me,” she demanded with a quiet force. “Why did you stay?”
“Oh my God.” Joyce’s shocked murmur reached them from across the room before Hank had a chance to answer. “You stayed because you felt guilty. You told me you loved me and begged me to take you back so we could support Buffy together. But really you just felt guilty for making her sick in the first place. You bastard.” They had barely registered that she had moved when the sudden crack of her hand meeting his face sounded.
Holding his reddening cheek, Hank pleaded, “I realised that what I was doing was destroying my family. It wasn’t worth it. I didn’t want to lose you, Joyce. And I would have done anything to make Buffy well again.”
“Anything except tell the truth? It might have made a difference Hank!” Joyce stationed herself between Hank and Buffy, as if she felt the need to protect her daughter now where she couldn’t before. “Maybe if they’d known what really happened, they could have done something differently. They could have pulled her back before she went too far.”
“I told the doctor, Joyce — in confidence. He said he would factor it into her treatment.” He shook his head, looking more defeated than Buffy had ever seen him. “It didn’t change anything.”
Overwhelmed by all this new information, Buffy pressed her hands to her temples. It was too much to take in all at once. The rage she saw in her mother, the brokenness of her father. Her own confused feelings; at once relieved to finally know why she got sick and disgusted that the cause was so base and deceitful.
“I have to get out of here,” she declared suddenly. Bolting for the front door she flung it open and ran out into the darkness of the night.
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His words sent liquid fire racing through her veins to pool hotly at her core. “Yes William. Please. I want you.” Every fibre of her being told her this was right. This was where she was always meant to be. The thought left her reeling, burning for this passionate man who had come to mean so much to her.
Before she even realised what he was doing he’d reached into the nightstand beside the bed to retrieve a condom. And then he was there; nudging insistently at her entrance. When he pushed forward Buffy cried out, curving her hips up toward him.
“Fuck Buffy,” he shouted, gritting his teeth. “You’re so tight. So hot baby.”
Her reply was unintelligible as she writhed beneath him. There was some discomfort but she didn’t care. Her body screamed for more and she wrapped her legs around him, trying to pull him deeper.
Without warning, pain lanced through Buffy, strong and searing, and instinctively her body arched away from him, trying to escape the intrusion into her body. Looking up she saw William staring at her, eyes wide with shock. “Bloody hell! You’re a virgin.”
“What?” Buffy gasped at the ridiculous notion, still baffled by what had just happened. “I am not!”
“You are too. I felt it. I just broke your…bloody hell!” He rolled off of her and she gasped as he slid out her body, that beautiful big erection she’d drool over just moments ago, now a thing of the past. “I just broke your hymen. I can’t believe I forgot you were a virgin.”
“I…I…” Buffy stumbled, a deep frown marring her brow. “I guess I forgot too. I mean…I remember having sex.” She grabbed for the sheet to cover herself, suddenly feeling self-conscious about her nakedness. “Lots of sex. I remember having lots of hot, sweaty, naked sex.”
William groaned, covering his face with his hands. “Thanks for the imagery love but I’d prefer not to think about that right now.”
Buffy cringed. “Sorry.” She did feel a bit sore but the majority of the pain had faded now.
This can’t be happening, she thought, almost groaning aloud in frustration. Her virginity wasn’t something she’d thought about. She hadn’t considered herself a virgin for five years and that hadn’t changed when she got home, even if her body very obviously disagreed.
They lay there, side by side, for a few minutes in awkward silence. Then Buffy frowned. “How can I possibly remember having sex if I’ve never actually had it?”
“Huh?” He turned to look at her, a bemused expression on his face.
“It’s like the wine. I’d only had wine once so all the wine I had in Sunnydale tasted like that wine. So, if I’ve never actually had sex, how could I have known what it was like enough to have created memories of having it?”
William didn’t answer for a minute and she thought that maybe he just didn’t want to talk about it. This was what one would call a bizarre conversation after all.
“Well love,” he said finally. “It’s not like you’d never made out with a guy before. I guess you probably just based it on that.”
“But that would mean that my idea of sex is probably way off base. Wouldn’t it?”
“That’s true.” William made a horrified face. “You mean I’m supposed to follow five years of fantasy sex? Oh man,” he groaned and covered his face with his hands again, “no man should have to live up to a woman’s imagination.”
Buffy giggled at his dismayed tone. “Well you do have big shoes to fill. I mean, I’ve had some pretty wild times in the sack.” An image of Spike prowling up the bed towards her flitted through her mind and she squirmed in appreciation.
William rolled onto his side to leer at her. “And where do you think you got the inspiration for that, my dear?”
She looked shocked. “Did we make out?”
“Oh, you could say we had our moments toward the end there,” he replied with a smug grin. “I did give you your first orgasm. You’re missing out big time by not having those memories.”
She swatted him playfully as she expressed her displeasure. “That is so not fair. I was involved in something smutty and I don’t even get to enjoy it.”
“Well you know, pet.” He trailed one fingertip up her arm as he spoke, all low and sexy. “It’s not too late to be involved in something new and just as smutty.”
Captivated by the look in his eye, Buffy scooted closer to him. “Do you think maybe you’d like to help me with that?” She brushed her lips back and forth across his slowly, teasing him.
He sighed in pleasure. “I think I could probably manage that.”
They smiled at each other, and Buffy felt her chest expand with happiness that she was even here with this wonderful man.
“I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere,” he said as he moved suddenly off the bed.
Buffy frowned, disappointed that he’d broken the moment. “Where are you going?”
She’d barely formed the question when he reappeared with a wet wash cloth in his hand. “It’s for the blood, love.”
Buffy gasped in horror as she sprang up onto his knees, not wanting to stain the sheets. “I’m bleeding?”
“Buffy, it’s all right. It’s just a little bit.” He urged her back onto the bed until she was lying down. “This will make you feel better.”
When she clamped her knees together anxiously he laid down beside her, kissing her on the forehead. “Please baby,” he said quietly. “Let me take care of you?”
Taking a deep breath Buffy consciously forced herself to relax, allowing him to slide the cloth covered hand between her legs. He was right, she admitted to herself a moment later, it does feel good.
Slowly, he moved the warm, wet cloth against her. The heat soothed the slight ache that was still present and the pressure of his hand against her made her stomach tighten in response. Without realising it she began to move her hips slightly, pushing back against him, silently asking for more.
When his lips appeared on her neck, kissing her gently, she sighed. Moving her head to the side she invited him to continue as her body began to move with more abandon. Then the cloth was gone and his fingers were resting against her bare flesh. Stroking gently, slowly reigniting the arousal she’d felt earlier.
“Will?” she murmured.
When he made a vague questioning sound, she asked, “We don’t have to stop do we?”
She felt him smile against her neck. “Are you sure you don’t want to stop?”
Stroking his cheek, she looked into his eyes and smiled softly. Somehow it felt different, now that she knew. This was her first time. She was glad it would be with him. “I’m sure.”
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Chapter 19: The first time
Author's Notes: Hi all. Thank you for all the lovely reviews. I'm so enjoying this story and it's wonderful to know that you guys are enjoying it right along with me.
Thanks once again to sixstringbaby for looking over this chapter for me. I'll be sending you more soon!
Chapter Nineteen
Buffy wondered if this was what it felt like to be loved. Really loved. William was slowly, torturously covering her body with kisses. His hands moved restlessly over her skin, as if he wanted to touch all of her at once. Now, his tongue laved one hard nipple with devotion and she shivered as she arched up into his mouth.
“William.” The name left her lips on a sigh.
In response he levered himself up to find her lips, delving back into her mouth. Sliding one arm beneath her he rolled them over until she was sprawled atop his body. Shifting her legs so that she straddled his thighs comfortably, Buffy sat up so as to get a better look at him. Her hands explored his chest slowly, teasing him.
He smiled sexily, his own hands stroking her and making her quiver.
Her fingertips wandered down to his abs and she marvelled at the obvious strength and power of his body. Finally, her gaze was drawn lower, to where his erection rested against his taut stomach. Catching her lower lip between her teeth she simply stared at him for a moment before reaching out to wrap her fingers around him, delighting in his harsh intake of breath.
She slowly slid her fingers up and down his pulsing shaft, drinking in the sight of him. Every twitch, every moan increased her confidence. Leaning over him she bent down to his ear, her hand still playing with him, and whispered, “I want to feel you moving inside me.”
His reaction was immediate. Grabbing another condom from the still open drawer, he launched forward to wrap his arms around her, devouring her mouth in a deep, soul-searching kiss. Still moving forward he pushed her down onto her back, settling between her thighs. This time when she felt him pressing into her she tensed slightly, but he whispered loving words into her ear. Telling her how beautiful she was, how much he wanted her, and before long she was moving against him in invitation.
As he sank slowly into her willing body Buffy was surprised by the feeling of fullness that spread throughout her. Sensations she’d never felt before rippled out from the place where they were joined, making her quake with pleasure. Her breath became more and more laboured until she was fairly panting, fighting to comprehend what was happening to her body. It wasn’t what she was expecting; it was new, different. It was fucking unbelievable.
“Will?” she gasped, a little scared of the intensity of these new emotions.
Pulling back a little, William rested his forehead against hers, smiling into her eyes as he gently caressed her face and neck. “Shhh. It’s okay Buffy. Stay with me, okay?”
Focusing on his clear, blue eyes Buffy felt the fear dissipate, leaving only the glorious sensations that were rolling through her in ever greater waves.
“You feel so good kitten,” he continued. “So right. Do you feel it?”
Releasing a sudden breath Buffy nodded. “Yes. I feel it.”
“That’s my girl.” Capturing her lips once again William began to thrust deeper, groaning into her mouth at the feel of her body surrounding him. Her muscles squeezing him tightly.
“Oh God,” she cried, losing control of her rioting emotions. “You’re so deep. I feel so…so full.”
William had to fight to keep from coming at her words, his thrusts growing impossibly fast.
Then suddenly Buffy went rocketing over the edge into a bliss she’d never before dreamed existed. Her vision exploded in a kaleidoscope of colours and her body shuddered violently, clenching William within her.
Her name was torn from his throat as he hurtled after her, his face buried in her neck as his climaxed pulsed through his entire body.
**********
Buffy awoke slowly; feeling as though she’d run a marathon. Groaning at the soreness in her muscles she began to stretch her limbs. The arm that was wrapped around her waist tightened, and suddenly memories of the night before came flooding back to her.
A contented smile spread across her lips and she turned in his embrace to find him watching her quietly with sleepy eyes.
“Good morning gorgeous,” she murmured quietly.
“’Morning, pet.” Snuggling closer, he pressed his lips to her neck in a warm kiss. “Did you sleep well?”
“Like the dead,” she said with a laugh. “Or just a very sated woman.”
William grinned widely at her words. “Me too, love. Except for the woman part.” He tucked her hair behind her ear. “How do you feel?”
Buffy shifted experimentally. “I little sore, but I’m okay.”
“Good.” He paused for a moment, looking reluctant to speak, before finally saying, “So,umm…I can’t help but ask: Was the real thing anything like the fantasy?”
Buffy smiled. She’d had a feeling this question would come up eventually. “It was completely different,” she admitted wryly. “But better,” she continued quickly when she saw his crestfallen expression. “It was so…consuming. Like every single part of my body was going into hyperdrive or something. You know?”
William chuckled. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”
“Sex before was great. It really was. But I never felt so…full. So connected. Last night was…,” a voice sounded in her head and she couldn’t help but let the words slip free, “it was a bloody revelation.”
William chuckled. “How very Spike sounding.”
She snuggled in his arms, hoping he wasn’t upset by her use of what was obviously a Spikeism — the word ‘bloody’ was a dead giveaway, after all. “Well,” she confessed, “he definitely did come closest to the real thing. I guess whatever part of my mind does remember our times together really, really enjoyed those times.”
He rested his head on his hand so he could look down at her with a smirk. “Well then I guess I’m glad that I provided you with a good foundation for sexual satisfaction over the years.”
When the laughter died down, hope was shining in hers eyes as she asked quietly, “Does that mean you’re not angry at me anymore? For creating Spike?”
He sighed heavily. “No, I’m not angry. I guess I was jealous of him more than anything. He got to be with you when I couldn’t. But when you explained that he was your way of keeping me close; even if it did take you a long time to let me get anywhere near you…it makes me glad that I could be there for you in some small way.” He smiled ruefully. “It still sucks that I missed out on all the hanky-panky though.”
Buffy laughed, joy coursing through her at his words. “Don’t worry,” she assured him as she moved over him and began to kiss her way along his jaw. “We can recreate every hanky.” Kiss. “As well as every panky.” Kiss. “Till you’re completely satisfied.”
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Chapter 20: Distractions
Author's Notes: Thanks for the reviews guys. I get such a big kick out of reading every single one. I hope you enjoy the new chapter. Thanks to sixstringbaby for taking a look at it for me.
Chapter Twenty
Rachel’s eyes practically rolled back into her head in pleasure as she chewed and swallowed. “This is saving my life,” she declared blissfully.
Buffy giggled at her dramatics. “You should have mentioned you were hungry. I would have ordered ages ago.”
Shaking her head, Rachel picked up another piece of pizza. “No way. I was determined to get to the end of that last chapter before we stopped. That test is next week and I refuse to have to do it all over again.”
Their books were spread haphazardly around the room, now being ignored in favour of the more urgent matter of eating. The weeks had passed quickly and the two women had come to enjoy each other’s company, both in and out of class. They’d been studying all night and were now indulging in some well-earned relaxation time.
“Where are your folks tonight?” Rachel asked.
“Some charity thing. They won’t be home till after midnight for sure.”
“I don’t know how you do it. I couldn’t stand living with my parents now that I’ve been out on my own.” Rachel visibly shuddered at the thought.
Buffy simply shrugged. “They’re okay. I haven’t been back in town that long so I haven’t really had a chance to find a place of my own yet.”
Finishing off the last of her pizza, Rachel asked, “Where did you live before?”
Opening her mouth to give the automatic spiel about living in a small town up the coast, Buffy stopped suddenly. She really liked Rachel. She reminded her so much of Faith, with her down-to-earth attitude and her slightly standoffish ways. For some reason she found herself wanting to be straight with her new friend.
“Actually I was…umm…in a mental institution.”
Rachel’s eyed widened comically. “No shit! Really?”
Cringing, but hoping she wouldn’t lose her new friend, she nodded. “Yep. I was all with the loony tunes.”
“What was wrong with you?”
“I had some sort of mental breakdown when I was in high school. Built a little delusional world for myself to live in. Stayed there for six years.” She shrugged. “Just came out of it a few months ago.”
“And that’s why you’re just getting your diploma now?” Rachel asked interestedly.
“Yeah.” Buffy waited patiently for Rachel’s reaction, half expected her to start making excuses why she had to leave.
But instead Rachel asked, “What was it like? Your delusional world.”
Turning red with embarrassment, Buffy nervously brushed her hair away from her face. “It was pretty much the same as it is here only I lived in a little town called Sunnydale and I was a…err…a superhero.”
Rachel laughed, clapping her hands in appreciation. “That's fantastic. I mean if you’re gonna create your own world you might as well be important in it, right?”
Buffy smiled, surprised by Rachel’s ready acceptance of her situation. “Pretty much.”
“You didn’t wear tights and a cape did you? Cause if you did I may have to leave.”
Laughing at the image that created Buffy was quick to reassure her. “No. Definitely no capes. I was a vampire slayer so it was really just me and Mr Pointy.”
“Mr Pointy?”
“My stake.”
Rachel’s eyebrows lifted. “You named your stake?”
Cringing again, Buffy dropped her head in her hands. “I know, I know. It was a thing.”
“Wow,” Rachel muttered to herself, seeming to be reflecting on the conversation. “When you said you got distracted you weren’t kidding were you.”
“Nope,” she replied with a wryly smile. “I was about as distracted as you can get.”
“But you’re better now?”
Buffy shrugged. “So far so good.”
**********
“I was distracted by a guy.”
Buffy looked up from her ice cream to give Rachel a questioning look.
“I know. Total cliché right?”
Smiling softly, Buffy replied, “Depends on the guy.”
“Well this guy…he was something else.” Rachel was plucking at a loose thread on her jeans. “He was a bartender at a club I used to go to. We hit it off right away; it was love at first sight. Or at least it was for me.”
Buffy sat quietly and listened. She could see that it was taking a lot for Rachel to tell her this; could see the pain that burned in her eyes.
“He told me that he loved me. Convinced me to leave my family, not that I think they really minded that I was gone. I kind of just stopped going to school. It was hard making enough money to live on and before I knew it we were stealing what we needed to get by. Nothing big, just some food and stuff.”
She looked up, as if trying to gauge Buffy’s reaction, just as Buffy had done to her moments before and Buffy smiled encouragingly.
“One night he showed up with a gun, I don’t know where he got it. He wanted to rob a gas station.” Rachel’s foot tapped nervously on the ground. “I didn’t want to but…I loved him. I would have done anything for him.” She gave a sad depreciating laugh. “I was a stupid kid.”
“What happened?” Buffy asked gently.
“We got caught about three gas stations later. Turns out he’s been in and out of prison for years; I had no idea. That’s where he is now.” She shrugged casually, though this telling was obviously still difficult. “I got off easy because I’d never been in trouble before. The judge sent me to jail for a little while; said she wanted to scare me straight. Now I’m out and trying to put my life back together.”
“Hence the going back to school?”
Rachel cringed. “Actually that’s court ordered. I probably would have gone back anyway though. I don’t ever want to go back to jail again.”
“I can understand why.” Taking a moment to assimilate these new revelations, Buffy lifted her glass of soda in a toast. “Here’s to no more jails, no more loony bins, and definitely no more distractions.”
Rachel lifted her own glass with a look a relief on her face. “I’ll drink to that.”
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Chapter 21: The absence of devotion
Author's Notes: A big thank you to my reviews.
Also, thanks to sixstringbaby and Megan for betaing this chapter for me.
Chapter Twenty-One
Buffy could tell Rachel was nervous as they approached Freestyler. It turned out Rachel had pretty much lost all her friends when she’d taken up with Charlie, the guy that had ‘led her up the garden path’ as she liked to say. Able to appreciate that kind of loneliness, Buffy had asked her to come and meet her new friends. It took a few weeks of convincing, but finally Rachel had agreed.
“These guys don’t actually know about Sunnydale,” Buffy explained as they walked. “I just told them that I was living in a town up north. Except William.” She smiled a little dreamily. “He was my friend before so…he knows everything.”
“Okay,” Rachel said, taking a fortifying breath. “What about me. Do they know about me?”
“Don’t worry,” Buffy assured her. “All they know is that my friend Rachel is coming tonight. They’ll only know what you choose to tell them.”
“Right.” She raked her hands through her long dark hair for the tenth time. “Okay. Let’s do this.”
Entering the club they headed for the bar where they found Zac struggling to balance a load of full glasses in his hands.
“Hey Zac,” Buffy said as they approached.
“Buffaroony,” Zac replied cheerily, giving up on the glasses in favour of giving Buffy a bear hug. “How’s my favourite girl?”
“Great.” She smiled at him happily.
Zac’s eyes flitted to the woman standing at Buffy’s side — and stayed there. “Hello,” he said quietly.
Stepping back a little so she wouldn’t get in the way of Zac’s standard greeting, which she’d so enjoyed herself, Buffy started making the introductions. “Rachel this is Zac. Zac, Rachel.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” Zac said graciously, shaking Rachel’s hand.
Smiling tentatively Rachel replied, “You too.”
Buffy stood there slack-jawed. Where was the kneeling and the declarations of devotion?
“Can I buy you ladies a drink?” Zac asked, his eyes not leaving Rachel for a moment.
Amused by his obvious interest in her friend, Buffy put in a quick order before declaring she would help carry the other drinks over to their table and leaving them to follow when they finally found their way out of each other’s eyes. She giggled as she decided it might take a while.
When she reached the table Buffy deposited the drinks on the wooden surface and slid into a chair beside William.
“Evening kitten,” he purred with a soft kiss. Buffy sighed happily and snuggled into his side.
“Where’s your friend, Buffy?” Kate asked a moment later.
“She’s at the bar talking to Zac.”
Abby rolled her eyes. “Don’t tell me, he’s found the new love of his life again?”
Buffy quirked an eyebrow. “Actually no. When I introduced them he just shook her hand and asked if he could buy us drinks. It was so weird.”
“Wow,” Kate voiced her shock as the three girls eyed the couple just now heading toward them. “Guess he must really like her.”
Zac spoke as soon as they reached the table. “Everyone, this is Rachel.”
The group paused, waiting for the ‘love of my life’ comment but were met with silence. When they all realised he wasn’t going to speak they broke into a verbose babble of greetings.
Hoping to dispel the now awkward moment, Buffy jumped out of her chair. “Come on girls,” she insisted. “Let’s go dance.” Rachel could only grin at Zac as the other three women led her onto the dance floor.
**********
William and Zac sat side by side. They’d long given up the pretence that they weren’t sitting there just to stare as the women did the bump and grind on the dance floor. Kate and Abby had left some time ago so only Buffy and Rachel remained.
It turned out Rachel was a good dancer. She and Buffy moving together was like watching soft lesbian porn. Or at least it was in the minds of the two men.
“That woman has me twisted into a pretzel.”
William glanced sideways at his friend. “And here you’ve only known her five hours.”
“Yeah,” Zac sighed dreamily.
Having never seen him react to any woman like this, William could only chuckle and shake his head.
“You’d better ask her out tonight or I’ll have to relegate you to the dubious status of nancy-boy.”
“Oh I will. Don’t you worry about that,” Zac confirmed eagerly. “I just figure I should wait till a moment when I don’t have a raging hard-on. It helps with the whole construction of sentences thing.”
Laughing heartily, William clapped him on the back good-naturedly. “From the way you’re looking at her mate, you could be waiting a while.”
“Geez man, thanks for the support.” Zac rolled his eyes. “You know you shouldn’t pick on the pathetic. It’s not like you’ll be going home alone tonight.”
“Damn right,” William nodded smugly. “I already got my girl.”
“And a damn fine girl she is,” Zac declared and they clinked beer bottles in agreement.
“Speaking of which,” William continued. “We should probably get going. If I have to watch Buffy wiggle like that much longer I may just combust.”
“Sure man. Hey, I’ll give Rachel a lift home if she’d like.”
William grinned broadly as he rose from the table. “I’ll let her know. I have a sneaking suspicion she’d like.” With that he edged his way over to the two women.
**********
“Dancing like that should be illegal,” William growled as he stripped Buffy’s clothes from her body. He bent his head to bite her shoulder as he bared it to his hungry gaze and she gasped in pleasure.
“But then how would I drive you crazy?” she asked innocently.
Chuckling, he pushed her naked body down onto the couch. “Kitten, all you have to do to drive me crazy is walk into the room.” As he spoke he dropped kisses onto her legs, starting from the ankles and working his way up.
She reached her arms over her head, her back arching as she quivered in anticipation of his next touch. “How very virile of you,” she muttered, her mouth quirking upward.
Pausing at the apex of her thighs, he bent his head so she could feel his breath against this most sensitive part of her body as he said, “I guess it must be the Spike in me.” Then he licked her with one long, firm stroke, loving the way she cried out.
“Really,” she gasped between sighs and groans, twisting under the ministrations of his mouth and hands. “Well then, if you let out the Spike in you, I’ll let out the Slayer in me.”
When she saw a flare of excitement in his eyes, she used all her strength to push him upward and rolled them until they landed on the floor with a heavy thump.
“Bloody hell,” William exclaimed in surprise.
Straddling his hips, Buffy ripped his shirt open, heedless of the buttons that flew every which way. Drawing her fingernails down his chest she asked with wide-eyed wonder, “What’s the matter baby? Don’t you like it rough?”
Laughing heartily at her antics, William sat up beneath her, grabbing her wrists and pinning them behind her back. “Oh, I’ll show you rough, pet.”
Their mouths clashed in passionate abandon, each demanding submission from the other, and each just as determined as the other not to give in.
Working her hands between their bodies, Buffy set about undoing his belt. The fact that she was the only one naked was a distinct disadvantage and she had every intention of rectifying the situation as soon as possible. She was grateful when he lifted his hips so she could work his jeans off, and then she quickly moved back up his body, sliding her bare skin against his at every opportunity.
Before she could settle herself atop him again, William rolled them over and lifted himself from her body. She hadn’t even had a chance to frown in question when he swept an arm across the coffee table, sending everything on top of it clattering to the floor. Then he lifted her up in his arms and deposited her abruptly on the table’s wooden surface. Kneeling in front of her, he hooked her legs over his shoulders and leaned forward to kiss her.
Crying out, Buffy bucked her hips violently against his mouth. “Oh God,” she whispered as he began to lick, nibble and suck on her wet flesh until she thought she’d die from the pleasure. Every few seconds he would flick the tip of his tongue against her clitoris, sending her into sweet spasms of ecstasy that reached higher and higher with every contact. As her first orgasm began to take her over, she reached down to tangle her fingers in his hair, holding him against her as she rode the waves of her own completion.
Just as the feelings began to ebb, she felt William entering her with slow, rhythmic thrusts and she moaning in satisfaction. Wrapping her legs around his back, she used her own hands to stroke her body. Circling her hard nipples with her fingertips, she smiled as she heard William’s strangled groan.
Lifting himself carefully off his knees, William moved her back across the coffee table so he could lower himself onto her body without sliding out of her warmth. As he pressed kisses along her collarbone, his thrusts became more forceful and Buffy could feel another orgasm building low in her belly. Moving with the force of his pounding hips, she could feel her head edging off the back of the table and, loving the way her back arched up into him, she allowed her head to drop backwards. Her golden hair spilled down to brush against the carpet and soft sighs escaped her as she felt herself falling into an abyss of pleasure. Relaxing her body, she allowed the feelings to ripple through her, peaking as she felt William coming inside her; her name was a hoarse cry on his lips as he shuddered with his own release.
When they had both grown still, their harsh breathing the only sound in the room, William stood and lifted her gently from the coffee table. They kissed languidly as he carried her into the bedroom and there they curled up in each other’s arms. Their happiness complete as they drifted off to sleep.
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Chapter 22: My life in words
Author's Notes: Hi all. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm very interested to know what you think of it. So, please review. Thanks to sixstringbaby for looking it over for me.
Chapter Twenty-Two
“Can I sneak a peak in the bag now?”
Buffy looked up to see William holding the bag she’d brought with her when she came for dinner. “Sure.”
Obviously curious, William quickly opened the bag. He looked up in confusion. “As desserts go they’re tasty, but somehow lack sophistication.”
She laughed. “Get over here.” Rifling through her bag, Buffy found a packet of birthday candles and a cigarette lighter. When William handed her the bag she pulled out the two cup cakes, carefully placed a candle in each of the cakes and lit them.
Sensing the sudden solemnity of her mood, William ventured, “Whose birthday is it Buffy?”
She looked at him with a sad smile, her eyes a little watery. “Dawn’s. It’s Dawn’s birthday.” When he reached for her she moved into his embrace willingly. “I hope you don’t mind. I didn’t want to celebrate it alone.”
“I don’t mind love,” he reassured her. “I know how much you loved her. How much you still miss her.”
Nodding, she said, “I do. I miss all of them.” A tear escaped to roll down her cheek and she swiped it away. “I know I can’t see them again but…I don’t want to forget them either.” She stared at the candle on her cup cake. The wax was slowly dribbling down the side of the candle, pooling at the base. If she waited much longer to blow it out she wouldn’t be able to eat any of the icing. The icing was Dawn’s favourite part. “They were my family.”
When Buffy looked at William a few moments later she frowned. He was staring at her with an odd look on his face, like he was suddenly psyching himself for something.
“Will, what’s wrong?”
He snapped out of it suddenly and shook his head. “Nothing.”
She lifted an eyebrow at him.
“It’s just…about you not wanting to forget.” He got up from the couch, obviously nervous, though she had no idea why. Finally, he took a deep breath and said, “There’s something I’ve been wanting to show you.”
“Okay,” she said carefully. “Show me.”
He became so still it was like he’d been captured in a freeze frame. “Well…it’s getting late. Maybe you should see it another time.”
“Show me.” Her expression clearly dared him to disobey her.
Swearing softly he disappeared into his office for a moment before returning with a small stack of paper clutched in one hand.
“What’s that?” She smiled expectantly, intrigued to know just what had her normally confident boyfriend so agitated.
He inched toward her slowly. “It’s just an idea I had. If you hate it I’ll throw it out and we never even have to mention it again.”
Rolling her eyes she reached forward to snatch the papers from his hand. “For goodness sake Will. Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad.”
Settling back into the couch with her now candle-less cup cake, she began to read…
Buffy left the building quietly, holding the large crossbow close to her chest. She could feel the smoothness of the satin dress brushing against her legs as she walked and mused on the irony of it all. Walking to her death, dressed in satin, with a weapon clutched in her hands.
A little boy was standing motionless in the grass just outside the school. “Help me?” he cried helplessly. She almost smiled. And the ironies just keep coming…
**********
When she was finished reading, Buffy shuffled the pages until they were neat again and placed them carefully on the table in front of her. Picking up the wine glass that was left on the table from dinner, she drained it dry. Only then did she look at William. The terrified look on his face was almost laughable. Almost.
“So, how long have you been writing about my life?” she asked politely.
“Not long.” He swallowed. “I know it’s probably a poor imitation but…one day over breakfast I was thinking about the stuff you’d told me about the night you fought the Master. When he killed you. And before I knew it I had a pen in my hand. It just kind of came out.”
Buffy took a moment to digest that before she spoke. “Okay. I get that. So what are you planning to do with it?”
William shook his head, throwing up his hands as he took a seat beside her on the couch. “That’s up to you. You can throw it out. You can keep it. We could continue it just between ourselves. Hell, if you want we could turn it into a book and try to get it published. Make it a series if we wanted.”
Interesting, she mused as she sat quietly, watching him squirm. She wanted to say something to make him feel better; but in all honestly she still had no idea how she felt about all this. He was writing her life! Granted he was doing a great job of it, but still…shouldn’t she be mad or something?
Growing more agitated under her calm perusal, William added, “You said that you didn’t want to forget them. I thought this might be a way for you to remember all the wonderful and painful and courageous things you did; and maybe even share them with the world. I’d like to think I’m a half decent writer now, and Buffy you have the most imaginative, amazing mind I’ve ever known. Together I really think we could create something wonderful and…and I’m running on and on like a right fool.” Glaring at the stack of paper reproachfully, he snatched it off the table impatiently and made for the kitchen. “Forget it. It was a dumb idea to begin with.”
“I don’t really want to share my entire life in Sunnydale with anyone who cares to read about it,” she began, causing him to halt halfway to the kitchen.
“I know. I’m sorry—” he began, but she cut him off.
“But…If you wrote it, you really think you could get it published?”
A hopeful smile appeared on his face as he replied, “If we wrote it then yes, I would like to think we could get it published.”
Buffy nodded thoughtfully. “And you’d set it up as a series of books? One for each of my…adventures, for lack of a better word.”
He nodded slowly.
“I have a condition.”
Quickly reseating himself on the couch, William took Buffy’s hands in his. “Anything love. Just name it.”
She took a deep breath. “I want Dawn to be the slayer.”
William’s eyes blinked in surprise. “What?”
Buffy looked at him steadily. “I said I want Dawn to be the slayer.”
He cocked his head to one side and Buffy fought a sudden smile at the Spike-like gesture.
“Why?” he asked.
She shrugged. “It just seems right somehow. I don’t belong there anymore and I don’t think I should be there. I think it would be bad for me.” She sighed a little sadly. “Dawn always felt like she was on the outside looking in. I want her to be the centre of attention this time.”
After a long silence, William smiled. “I like it. Plus there’s the whole irony thing with her name. A girl that’s named after the sunrise being forced to spend her nights fighting for her life in the darkness.”
Buffy smiled. “I didn’t think of that. See…that’s why you’re the writer.”
William chuckled. “Plus, I can’t say I would be displeased not to have to write about you and Angel.”
She nodded in understanding. “I get that.”
“But then again…I think writing about Dawn and Angel would be worse.”
“Ewww.” Buffy’s face screwed up at the thought.
“Exactly. But so much of your early life there was driven by your relationship with Angel. If we’re going to do something similar, it won’t work without a love interest.”
Thinking for a moment, Buffy suddenly grinned. “It’s all under control. I know just the person to sweep Dawn off her feet.”
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Chapter 23: The love of Dawn's life
Author's Notes: Thank you so much for the lovely reviews. I got such a laugh out of reading people's predictions for Dawn's love interest. And here I thought it was so obvious.
There is another author's note at the bottom of the chapter. Not something I normally do, but I didn't want to spoil the surprise by putting it here. I really hope you enjoy this one.
Chapter Twenty-Three
“Connor.”
“Yep.”
“Who is Connor?”
“Angel’s son.”
William’s eyebrows made an attempt to disappear into his hair. “Angel had a son?”
“Again with the yep.” She finished her cup cake with an appreciative sigh.
“When did this happen? And how?”
Buffy stood up and began pacing the room, gesticulating wildly with her hands. “Something about a prophecy. I don’t really know the ins and outs to be honest. He wasn’t born that long ago.”
Looking confused, William asked, “So you want to what…age baby Connor so he’ll be a match for Dawn?”
Buffy turned back to him with a mischievous look on her face. “No need. He was a teenager when I left.”
“Huh?” The look on William’s face was every bit as flummoxed as Buffy thought it would be and she couldn’t help but laugh.
She sat on the couch beside him. “Okay, he was a baby when he was kidnapped by some dude and taken to another dimension called Kotot or something. Time moves faster there, so when he came back he was all grown up. A seventeen year old bundle of stud-muffiny goodness.” She shrugged with a little smile. “I saw a picture.”
“Was he a vampire?” William asked, becoming animated with watcher-like interest.
“From what I heard he was human, but he had all the neat vamp advantages like strength and healing abilities and stuff. And that other dimension he grew up in was a hell dimension — really big with the demons and other nasty things. So, he was a really good fighter. He had to be to stay alive.” She thought for a moment. “I guess we can either choose to leave him the way he was, or turn him into a vampire. After all, it’s our book, right?”
“Right.” William laughed at her growing enthusiasm. “Well then,” he exclaimed happily. “I guess we have our hero.”
**********
Connor woke choking on a scream that refused to escape his throat; his sweat-drenched body tense to the point of shaking. Panicked eyes scanned the room, searching the darkness for any signs of danger. The familiarity of his dorm room was all that met his gaze.
With a weary sigh he pushed back the covers and rose from the bed. Making his way to the window he looked out over the college grounds; all lush and green after the summer showers. As he observed the stillness, the calm of the night, he finally began to relax. The tension faded from his body and he stretched to relieve his tired muscles.
Every night had been the same since his parents had told him the truth about where he’d really come from. An anguished sound left his throat at the thought of his parents. Only they weren’t his parents were they. No. In truth he was the unborn spawn of two master vampires. The strength and abilities he had just begun to discover were his unholy inheritance; all he had to show for his true heritage.
He still couldn’t wrap his head around it. Everything he remembered about his life was false — his happy childhood, his friends, the time he’d kissed Sally Davis behind the gym. That was all a lie. His real memories had only started a couple of months ago. So what really happened before that? Before this shiny, happy life?
For a while he had tried to remember his true past. He would sit for hours meditating, trying to bring those hidden memories to the surface. At first nothing had happened, but then, with some practice, he began to feel a sense of great dread wash over him with every attempt, and his mind would instinctively shy away. It was almost like someone else was lurking beneath the shadows of his consciousness. Someone evil.
That’s when the dreams he’d been having became nightmares. Ghoulish visions of demons and bloodshed. In every dream he was fighting for his life, hunted like an animal by monsters so grotesque and deformed that he never could have conjured them with his own limited imagination. Now, instead of seeking the truth, he shunned it. There was so much darkness and death there; he wasn’t sure he even wanted to know. But with the dreams getting worse; he was beginning to think that maybe it was already too late.
So now, with two sets of memories intertwining in his mind — one he remembered clearly, and another shrouded in shadows — the question became: Who was he really?
Buffy looked up from the page in excitement? “You made this stuff up?”
William nodded. “Yeah. I’ve been playing around with it and this is how I’m thinking it could go. When Connor comes back from that hell dimension, Angel decides he’s put the kid through enough and has his true memories replaced with memories of a happy life with a loving family. That family takes care of Connor until something happens that reveals his hidden strengths. Like he’s in some horrific accident but is completely unhurt. Right?”
Buffy nodded, so he continued, full of excitement and enthusiasm. “So when he finds out the truth he starts trying to figure out what his powers actually are. That’s how he crosses paths with Dawn.”
“So, will he ever remember what really happened to him?”
“Yes!” William shouted, practically bursting with energy. “Angel and you were torn apart when he lost his soul. Well, Connor’s regaining of all those traumatic memories, for whatever reason we come up with, can be the thing that tears Connor and Dawn apart. This kid lived in a hell dimension for seventeen years. He’s only been back for one or two years. He’s gonna be a wreck when he remembers it all.
“It gives us a lot to work with. Plus, it still leaves the readers with hope of Dawn and Connor ending up together because they aren’t a hopeless cause. They just have a lot to work through.” He shrugged, a mischievous glint in her eyes. “Kind of like us when you first got back.”
“Oh my God,” Buffy murmured as she got up from the couch. “I’m so hot for you right now.”
William laughed as he grabbed her by the hips. “Hell, I’m so good I’m hot for me right now.”
Smiling, Buffy tossed the papers onto the floor and tackled him to the couch. “I get to have you first.”
[A/N: I took a small detour from the canon of the two shows here. As far as we know Buffy never knew about Connor. Also, Gone was aired in March of 2002 and Connor didn’t return from Quor-toth till May of 2002. I was so disappointed when I found out. But…I loved the idea so much that I used it anyway. Also, William quite conveniently thought of some of the storyline that actually happened in Angel. Wasn’t that insightful of him?]
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Chapter 24: The other side of forgetting
Author's Notes: Thank you so much for the great reviews. I'm so happy that you're enjoying this story. I've finished the draft version of it now so I'll be continuing to post regularly until it's finished.
Also, I'm about to post a new story called 'Complicated Acquaintance'. I'd love it if you could check it out. It just a one chapter stand-alone. Yes, I'm plugging my own story. I have no shame.
Oh, and drop everything to go read 'Near Enough' by Samara. It's fantastic.
Chapter Twenty-Four
“So where would you like to have lunch pet?” Spike asked as they strolled along Main Street, browsing through the stores.
Buffy shrugged. “Hmmm, I feel like a big juicy hamburger.”
Grinning, William put his arm around her shoulders to hug her closer against him. “You got it ducks. Frank’s Diner makes the best hamburgers you’ve ever tasted. You’ll love it.”
“Yay,” she replied happily.
“Hey, isn’t that your Dad?”
Following William’s gaze, Buffy looked across the street, noting that they were indeed opposite her father’s workplace. On the sidewalk in front of the building, her father was talking amiably with a woman about his age. She was wearing a stylish business suit and Buffy figured she must have been someone he worked with. “Yeah, that’s him,” she answered. “Maybe we should go say hello.”
As they watched her father and the woman seemed to be saying their goodbyes. Hank leaned forward to give the woman a quick kiss on the cheek before getting into a cab and driving off into the distance. Suddenly, the world seemed to tilt sideways and Buffy reached for William’s hand as she felt herself starting to hyperventilate. It wasn’t a romantic kiss, she mused thoughtfully, even as she felt panic engulfing her body. It was the kind of kiss you give an acquaintance or an old friend. So why, she wondered as the blackness closed in, why am I crying?
**********
Pictures flickered behind her eyelids, like an old movie reel. She tried to open her eyes but they felt so heavy. Her head swirled with the images filling her brain and she rolled over, trying to escape them.
She saw her father in his office at home. He wasn’t alone.
She’d come home from school that day because she felt sick. Walking up to the door she turned the knob, intending to let her father know she was home before going up to bed. He was there. So was she; that strange woman Buffy had never seen before. Now she saw more than she ever wanted to see. He had her bent over the desk and he was…from behind.
Buffy had frozen in place, her eyes wide with shock as she watched them move together. Thrusting and groaning like a pair of animals. Finally, with a cry, she tore herself away, running back out the front door and into the street.
She’d seen her perfect life go up in smoke when she’d opened that door. Everything she’d believed she had was gone. The perfect family. Two parents that loved her and loved each other. All gone. Nothing she’d ever known was real. It had all been a lie.
Desperate to avoid her father, she’d run and run until she’d reached a nearby park. She’d played there, with her parents, as a child. They’d been happy times.
There had been a man that night. A tall man with a beard and funny clothes. He’d found her sitting on the park bench, crying, and had asked if she was okay. She had no idea what made her tell this man, this stranger, what she’d seen. But she did.
“This is terrible but…you’ll be okay,” he’d told her. “You’re stronger than you think, you know.”
She’d sniffed sadly. “I’m not strong. I’m just me.”
When he looked at her, she saw wisdom in his eyes and for a moment it made her feel safe again. “Don’t be so quick to dismiss yourself,” he’d told her. “Your potential is greater than you realise. You can slay demons if only you believe in yourself. You see, my dear, even you can be a hero if you choose to be.”
“A hero?” she whispered reverently.
“Oh yes,” he replied. “You need only to believe.”
Seeming satisfied with their conversation, the old man rose from the bench and began to walk away.
Seeing him go, Buffy asked suddenly, “What’s your name?”
He turned for a moment to smile at her, a bright twinkle in his eye. “Merrick,” he replied.
Buffy bolted upright in the bed, her eyes wide with shock. Gulping great lungfuls of air, she fought to calm her thundering pulse.
“Buffy? Are you okay?”
Turning her head, she found William kneeling by her side, concern etched on his face. Spots began to form once again in front of her eyes and she keened softly. Pressing the heels of her hands to her eyes, she tried to make sense of the flood of memories that were swamping her. They were all disjointed, out of order, out of context. It made her want to vomit.
She saw William, a scruffy sixteen year old with long, curling, light brown hair. He’d smiled at her shyly as his parents introduced him to her. He’d had an honesty about him and she’d liked him right away.
She saw herself helping William bleach his hair after he’d been beaten up at school. Together they’d decided he needed a new image, something that screamed ‘nerd’ a little less.
She saw the nervous but excited look on his face as leaned in to kiss her for the first time. She’d been almost dizzy with anticipation. William’s lips. Lips of William. She heard herself groan as she returned his kiss.
She saw the look on his face as she told him about Merrick and the vampires. She’d been so relieved to finally tell someone. She trusted him completely and knew that he would keep her secret.
She saw herself crying as she was restrained by a large orderly. “Please Mommy, you have to let me come home. I’ll be good I promise; I won’t talk about the vampires anymore. I’ll-I’ll tell Merrick I quit.”
She saw her mother’s beautiful face, now ravaged by tears and suffering. “I’m sorry Buffy. But the doctors here can help you and then you’ll be well again. I’ll be here everyday to visit you and so will William.”
Her eyes had landed on William then. She’d felt the pain of his treachery deeper than anything else she’d ever experienced in her young life. “You,” she spat angrily. “This is all your fault. You and your big mouth.” Suddenly she was yelling at him, blaming him for everything that she couldn’t deal with in her life. “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. I hate you. I hope you rot in hell, you traitor!”
With a lurch, Buffy dragged herself back to the present. Harsh barking sobs wracked her body as she was bombarded with a myriad of emotions. “Will,” she cried loudly when she realised she was alone in the room, knowing that he would be nearby.
He was in the room in an instant, dropping his cell phone on the floor in his rush to get to her. When his arms closed around her she all but fell into his embrace. “It’s alright, baby,” he said soothingly. “I’m here; and your Mum’s on her way.”
When she finally caught her breath, she looked at him with sorrowful eyes. “I remember, Will,” she whispered. “I remember everything.”
A light sparked in William’s eyes and he asked quietly, “You remember…”
“You?” she finished for him. “Yes. I remember you.” Her face dissolved again into tears and she clutched him tightly to her. “I’m so sorry, Will. The way I treated you. The things I said to you. How can you ever forgive me?”
“Hey,” he said soothingly as he stroked her back with gentle fingers. “You were an angry, scared sixteen year old girl, Buffy. You believed everything you’d told me was the truth and that I betrayed you.” He drew back to look into her tear-reddened eyes. “I won’t say it didn’t hurt — a lot. But I’m not angry about any of that. I never was.”
“Really?” she squeaked, sounding like a little girl to her own ears.
He hugged her close again. “Really, truly.”
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Chapter 25: Telling Mom
Author's Notes: A big thanks to Megan for her ever wonderful betaing skills.
Also thanks to my readers, and especially my reviewers. You guys help me to keep typing when the going gets tough.
I hope you enjoy the new chapter.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Joyce looked beyond harassed as she barged through William’s front door without knocking.
“Where is she?” she demanded when she spotted him in the kitchen. “Is she okay?”
“She’s doing better now,” he replied, quick to reassure her. “But she’s had a rough time of it. She’s on the couch.”
Nodding her thanks, Joyce immediately made for the living room. “Buffy?”
Looking up, Buffy practically flew into her mother’s arms, the seemingly never ending tears starting yet again.
“Honey, what happened?” Her mother sounded calmer now that she was holding Buffy in her arms; could see for herself that her daughter was alright.
William entered with cups of hot tea and Buffy sank back down onto the couch, accepting her cup gratefully.
Taking a sip of the hot liquid, she placed the cup carefully on the coffee table. “Will and I were shopping on Main Street this morning,” she began, hating that she had to have this conversation. “We were passing by Dad’s office building and we just happened to see him out the front talking to a woman. He kissed her on the cheek and then left in a taxi.” Seeing her mother’s eyes widen in surprise, she hurried on, “Not that kind of kiss. Just a friendly kiss. But…it sent me into some kind of panic attack.”
“A panic attack,” her mother said. “But why would that—”
“Mom,” Buffy cut her off, needing to get this out before she lost her nerve. “I know why I got sick.”
It took her a half hour to explain it all. In that time her mother had risen to go stand by the window. She had yet to say a word.
“I think that first night there really was a Merrick. That he was just a man who saw a girl crying in the park and wanted to make her feel better,” she said as she was finishing her tale of that life-altering day. “But after that…I think maybe that’s when I started to see things that weren’t really there. Merrick, or the thought of Merrick, became a safe haven for me. I just wanted to feel like I was in control again. I wanted to be a hero.”
Rising from the couch, Buffy approached her mother, touching her on the shoulder. “I’m so sorry you had to find out like this.”
“I knew.” Her mother’s voice was so quiet she almost missed the words.
Buffy frowned, thinking she must have heard wrong. “What?”
Joyce turned from the window and now Buffy could see the anger in her eyes. “I knew he was having an affair. I’d insisted he end it; he didn’t. We’d been talking about a separation. Then you got sick.” Joyce’s fists clenched tightly and her voice wavered with rage. “Suddenly he changed. He told me he was sorry and that he would never do it again. That he just wanted to concentrate on you and our marriage.” She began to shake her head. “He never told me that you knew. He never told me that you saw him like that…with her.”
Moving suddenly, Joyce grabbed her purse from the coffee table and headed for the door. “He never told me it was all his fault!”
**********
When Buffy and William pulled to a screeching halt in front of the house a few minutes later, they could already hear the argument that was going on inside.
“How could you?!” Joyce’s voice bellowed as they came through the front door.
“What was I supposed to say?” Hank’s words were quieter, his face heavy with shame. “Our daughter saw me having sex with another woman and it drove her crazy — literally. You were already so upset. How was I supposed to tell you that?”
Holding William’s hand clenched tightly in her own, Buffy took a deep breath and, swiping at the tears on her cheeks, she entered the room.
When Hank caught sight of her, he stilled. “Buffy,” he whispered.
When she continued to stand silently just inside the doorway he walked slowly toward her. “I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.”
“Why did you do it, Dad?” she asked solemnly. “I thought we were happy; a family.”
He shook his head angrily, though she could tell it was self-directed. “I don’t know. Your mother and I were having problems and I just…let it happen. I’ve never regretted anything more in my life.”
“Didn’t you wonder why I never told Mom?” Her composure was beginning to crack now, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.
“At first I guess I just thought you didn’t want to upset your mother. But then later, when we realised there was something wrong with you…You didn’t seem to even remember it.”
“I couldn’t honestly tell you if I remembered it or not,” she snapped. “From that night on I’m not sure what memories are real and which are false. I’ll never know for sure what happened next.” Her body began to crumble as she fought against the reality of the situation. Her own father had triggered the breakdown that kept her a prisoner in her own mind for six long years. No wonder I had such fucked up relationships with men, she thought bitterly.
William’s arms wrapped around her from behind, holding her upright and she was grateful for his support.
“Tell me,” she demanded with a quiet force. “Why did you stay?”
“Oh my God.” Joyce’s shocked murmur reached them from across the room before Hank had a chance to answer. “You stayed because you felt guilty. You told me you loved me and begged me to take you back so we could support Buffy together. But really you just felt guilty for making her sick in the first place. You bastard.” They had barely registered that she had moved when the sudden crack of her hand meeting his face sounded.
Holding his reddening cheek, Hank pleaded, “I realised that what I was doing was destroying my family. It wasn’t worth it. I didn’t want to lose you, Joyce. And I would have done anything to make Buffy well again.”
“Anything except tell the truth? It might have made a difference Hank!” Joyce stationed herself between Hank and Buffy, as if she felt the need to protect her daughter now where she couldn’t before. “Maybe if they’d known what really happened, they could have done something differently. They could have pulled her back before she went too far.”
“I told the doctor, Joyce — in confidence. He said he would factor it into her treatment.” He shook his head, looking more defeated than Buffy had ever seen him. “It didn’t change anything.”
Overwhelmed by all this new information, Buffy pressed her hands to her temples. It was too much to take in all at once. The rage she saw in her mother, the brokenness of her father. Her own confused feelings; at once relieved to finally know why she got sick and disgusted that the cause was so base and deceitful.
“I have to get out of here,” she declared suddenly. Bolting for the front door she flung it open and ran out into the darkness of the night.
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@темы: spuffy, fanfiction